Since When Are My Ovaries "Honor's Students?"

Last cycle, my ovaries received a big fat "F" on their test. A canceled cycle is like a failed test. And my ovaries did a good job failing. Not this cycle. They keep coming up with excellent marks. Today, CD 6, I had another ultrasound and bloodwork. My protocol for meds changed. My Follistim stayed the same, 75iu. But now, the Menopur (the one made by the Devil) has been upped to 150iu. I also have to start with Ganirelix to make sure those follicles don't go anywhere. At CD 6, I have 4 maturing follicles, the biggest one 15x12 and the other three all 14x11. Wow!! No failing grades this cycle. Four follicles is a good number. It isn't too many. We'll see how that goes. I go again on Monday for another ultrasound and bloodwork. I'm sure my IUI will be mid-week this coming week. My follicles are growing fast!!

Menopur is of the Devil

I started my first cycle of injectables last night. The needles themselves. . .not too bad. The Follistim overall is not bad at all. I really didn't feel it. It left an ugly mark behind it because it bled. But it didn't hurt at all. The Menopur, however, is of the Devil. I can't express that enough. The needle didn't hurt, went right in, no problem. But gosh, the solution burned, stung, can't even describe it fully, as it went in. I wasn't prepared for it. I was yelling things like "Owww!!" and "Good grief!!!" Hubby got a little concerned and asked if I was okay. There was a lot of "owws" and "good griefs" coming from the bathroom. I wonder if it gets easier to deal with the more you do it. . .I hope I don't have too many nights of this. I already had follicles growing, so maybe it won't take too long to rev up my ovaries, get some good follicles, and get on with this cycle. 

I'm hating my ovaries right now. The Menopur addition to the cycle is all their fault. They just can't cooperate or behave. It makes me nuts. Someone asked me why I was on Menopur+Follistim. Follistim is usually the first injectable after a Clomid cycle because it is less intense than others. But with a high FSH level and the RE concerned about my number of eggs being less than normal, he wants to get lots of follicles growing. I know it will be all worth it, but I wish the Devil wouldn't have had a hand in creating such an evil fertility medicine. That's the only way I can convey how much it hurt last night to inject the solution into my body.

Sigh of Relief

I had my appointment for baselines today. I didn't know that I should have gone in on CD 2 because my FSH is higher than normal. They didn't tell me that last cycle when they realized that my FSH was higher than normal. Anyway, I went in for my u/s and I already have follicles that are measurable. In my mind, this isn't normal. So I panicked right away thinking that I had more than one cyst. But I was assured by the RE who did the u/s that everything looked normal and quite good in her opinion. So everything hinged on my bloodwork, which was very ugly last cycle. 

I was on my way home from the RE's office and I just had this sinking feeling that I would be in a forced month off of TTC again. I told Hubby that I was a hot mess and really, it was for no apparent reason. I didn't know what the bloodwork would show, I just was sick to my stomach about it. So I came home and cried. I was just so negative about it.

The RE's office called and I know their number by heart, so I knew it was them. I got nervous until the nurse who called informed me that everything is GREAT!! So I start Menpur and Follistim tonight. Things are so good that I am only doing 75iu Follistim and 1 vial of Menopur to start. Last cycle, it was a different story. So I'm so relieved. 

I know I have been bathed in prayer and I am thankful for the prayer warriors who know how important this journey is for me. Prayer is such a powerful thing. I'm excited to see where this next step on the journey takes me.

Today is a New Day

Dearest Aunt Flow decided to visit today. It's about time she got here. She's been standing at the door for like 3 days now but just wasn't ready for a visit. How annoying! Everything is run on her time. 

Anyway. I made my appointment for baselines. I go in Thursday morning. Hopefully, that lovely cyst has run its course and is out of my body. It's on to injectables, big time. Part of me is worried that I'll have to do another cycle of bcp. I'm worried about my estrogen levels. But I'm really worried about my FSH levels. They were high last time and high estrogen is supposed to suppress estrogen levels. Ugh...I guess only time will tell what lies in waiting. 

I have a fresh look on it all. Today is a new day. Today starts a fresh cycle. If my bloodwork and ultrasound are no good, I'll do another cycle of bcp. It's okay, I have to have peace about whatever my body brings my way. In the meantime, I have a huge box full of medication plus more meds in the fridge just waiting to be used. And I have an egg somewhere in my ovaries just waiting to turn into a darling baby. 

I gave my ovaries a pep talk this morning. I had to make sure they were on the same page as I was. They are the boss of my cycle and they need to know what the proper directions are. Plus, I may as well coach them on how to behave. They've been misbehaving since the beginning of it all. It's time they get themselves under control! We'll see if they can behave on Thursday.

Waiting for a New Cycle

I finished my bcp yesterday. I can't even express how glad I am to be done with those awful things. I was on bcp for ten long years, but not this particular brand. I'm hoping they did their job, though. I guess we'll have to wait and see. I picked up my medications today, since I had them shipped to the doctor. I already have my Follistim and Ovidrel sitting in the fridge. Now, I have a box full of needles! I looked in the box and my first thought was, "Wow, that really is a lot of needles." But I'm not dreading it, just nervous about it. I'm hoping AF will come tomorrow and that I can get baselines on Saturday. I'd hate to get baselines on Monday, I really don't want to miss more work. But, it would be baselines and medication instructions/training. So I can't miss that. My fingers are crossed that AF comes tomorrow and that when I go in for baselines, they will be good. Say some prayers for me!

My Ovaries are Trying to Break Free!

I swear my ovaries are in revolt. I have had cramps since I started with resting cycle with the birth control pills. Some days, I think my ovaries want to just jump out of my body. One more week of this, then hopefully, I can start the injectables. I hope I like needles, I have 4 different shots I'll be giving myself! So as long as my ovaries can stick it out for one more week and not jump out of my body, we should be in the business of egg-making again.

Needles Will Be My Friends

I had yet another consultation with the RE this morning. It wasn't the RE I usually see, but I can't be picky and choosy right now. this month of a resting cycle is making me nuts. I hate the birth control pills. They make me feel yucky. And yet, I realize that compared to what is looming ahead, I should be enjoying this. 

So what is this black cloud looming ahead?? I'm going to be sticking myself with not one needle a night, but two for the first few days. And then, not one, not two, but three needles for a few days. And then, not one, not two, not three, but four in all for the cycle! Yes, folks, my thighs will officially be pincushions big time. I already have the Follistim, which I'll be doing every night after baselines. But add to that Menopur, which I'll also be doing every night after baselines. Then, once my eggs are developing, I'll have to do Ganirelix every night until my eggs are ready. Then, I'll do the usual Ovidrel trigger. Wow! That's a lot to work with. Lucky for me, Follistim is a pen-type needle where you dial a dose. Ganirelix and Ovidrel are pre-filled syringes. The only one I'm worried about is Menopur, which I have to mix myself. 


I look at it this way. If this is what will get me to the family I so desperately want to start, I'll take it. We're all faced with challenges and trials in life, but nothing is beyond what we can handle. I know that I am in God's care and that He is overseeing every decision the doctors will ever make for me. I put my trust in Him and the plans He has made for me. So as nervous as I am about all these shots that I now have to do, I know I am loved, I am cared for, and He walks beside me through it all.