Welcome, 2014! I didn't make any resolutions for this year. I made goals to get in better shape, lose some weight, and pursue the Donor Egg we have had on hold for almost a year. In seeking to make this a better year, a year that brings positive changes, positive adventures, and a journey that doesn't leave me feeling broken and empty, I came across the "One Word 365" website. I quickly took on the challenge of choosing my word. My choice?
This word, embrace, holds so much meaning to me, for me. This is the word that will keep my emotions on track, keep them in check, keep me grounded in my faith in Jesus. I've always placed my trust in Him, even in the midst of the hardest times with infertility, when we almost gave up right before getting pregnant in 2009 with Isabella. And I've had unwavering faith in what God is doing with my menopause at 34 years of age and infertility. Embrace. A challenge to myself to embrace the bad things in life that come my way. Embrace the hot flashes, the night sweats, the mood swings, the migraines. Embrace the softer, more curvy hips (even though I do plan on working on that once my gluteal tendinitis heals). Embrace the dark nights where I cling to the dream of having more babies that wouldn't be someone else's DNA. Embrace my infertility and the blessings it has brought to my life. Yes, blessings. Infertility is not easy, never has been. But I have been blessed beyond measure because of it. I have learned to not hold it as a secret, but rather share my story, share my faith and how it has carried me through, share my lessons learned, and share my experience. My infertility has blessed me with friendships that have grown stronger over the course of the last several years, women who pray for me, encourage me, and bless me with their love. Yes, I have been blessed by my infertility. I have a beautiful daughter, my miracle child. My marriage is stronger because of my infertility. We have been challenged to grow closer, embrace each other in the dark walk of the journey.
Embrace the changes life throws at us. Friends moving away. Family members passing away and going to be with Jesus. Doors closing. Physical challenges. Change. I am challenging myself to embrace it. I always seek to be the one in control, I try to make Jesus sit in the passenger seat while I drive. But He always changes the course, adds obstacles to the journey. Change discourages me because I feel the inner chaos, the lack of control. Embrace. Embrace the inner chaos, learn to let Jesus control it, be in control of me. I'm not in charge. Embrace the lack of control, the task of sitting in the passenger's seat.
Embrace the joy, the delight, the daily graces God gives us.
This is my challenge to myself to embrace all that life has to offer, all that God leads me to, all that is found along my journey. Embrace. Embrace the good, the bad, the ugly, the beautiful, the joyous, the painful, the emotional, the chaotic, the blessings. All of it. Embrace it all. 365 days to embrace all that comes along.