Hand In Hand

Hand In Hand

Sunday, September 27, 2009


So I got up this morning in a rotten mood. No reason why, just in a rotten mood. My Hubby is great, he is one of the most patient men there could ever be. He deserves a medal of honor or something. I know he wants a baby badly. And I know that it pains him to see me struggling with PCOS. It's been hard being on the fertility meds for eight months now. But he's so good to me. I try not to be rotten towards him when I'm in a rotten mood. So I forewarned him this morning.

Anyway, it's been a weird weekend for me. Yesterday, I was a wee bit nauseous and I think I may be fighting some germs from the kids at school. Although, I would love to hope it was something else, I'm not going to get my hopes up this early. I'm only at CD 22. It's a bit early to worry, stress, or get all excited. So I'd rather just think it has to do with germs. 

The sermon in church was very powerful this morning. My pastor at Fellowship Baptist Church (NJ) has been preaching what is nicknamed "The Coffee House Series." Basically, it's real world issues and questions that he has been asked that he feels he needs to preach about. Today, it was about how a supposed good God can allow suffering in the world. Although I don't consider myself to be suffering, I certainly consider myself to be on a difficult journey! So it was good to be reminded that I serve a loving God. I was reminded that God intends struggles and difficult moments for our benefit. It is teaching me patience, that is for sure. I'm generally an impatient person with life's events (I'm very patient with people, as that comes much easier to me). 

I'm getting increasingly impatient as I wait for next weekend. AF should be here by the end of next weekend and I'm nervous to see if she comes or if maybe she's taking a 9 month vacation. Wouldn't that be nice! I guess we'll all have to wait and see.

For now, I'm going to go and drink another cup of coffee and perhaps, rid myself of the rotten mood that I'm still in. 


  1. Thougth I try not to read these at the moment I was lead to read this one tonight. What an inspiration you are and I am proud to call you my daughter. I am in pain for you and worry about you. The Lord is taking you down a pathway to help someone else through some difficulty. Stand firm in the Lord. I LOVE YOU!


  2. I understand the rotten mood thing. You're allowed to be upset, frustrated, and so on. Just try to have your moment and then switch gears to something positive.

    Your mom is right, stand firm in the Lord. Never lose faith or hope. Those seem to be the only things getting me by sometimes.

    ~ Angie (from SC)

  3. Mom and Angela, thank you. Mom-I still don't get what you are so worried about and why you are in so much pain over this. It's part of life's adventure. So having a baby doesn't come easy to me, I'm not the one who tells the sun when to rise or causes the ocean to change its tides. There is a plan for my life and my struggle, nothing to worry about.

  4. You're welcome. You are very strong! I can't speak for your mom, but hopefully you don't mind me chiming in... from what my own mom told me... parents feel their children's pain. "When you hurt, we hurt."

    Any amount of your own struggle, pain, uncertainty, stress, frustration, sorry etc. is felt by our parents. We will feel it one day, too, with our own babies. If your mom is anything like mine, she would take this burden from you (and put it on herself) if there was a way.

    ~ Angie

  5. My mom is an amazing lover of her children. She feels every ounce of every emotion that they feel. But to be honest, I'm not scared and I'm not in pain over this. Sure, it's frustrating and it certainly isn't how I planned on starting a family. I thought by now, I'd have a baby. It's been two years now of TTC! But there's nothing in this that I fear other than the notion of not having a child.

  6. I have my days when I am really down too - it always helps me too when I go to church and there is an awesome sermon that I can relate to! I am normally impatient also, and with IF it is all about waiting! Wait for AF, wait 2 weeks, wait through medications...
    Hopefully your prayers will be answered next weekend, and then you'll have a 9 month wait =)