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So I feel very broken today, like a toy that was purchased for a child and when they went to play with it, it was already broken. That's me, the broken toy.
I've tried so hard for over two years to always be strong in the face of infertility, but sometimes, the weight of it all is too heavy. Tomorrow, I start a new chapter in this journey, I start injectables. My doctor is positive that this will work for me. I trust Dr. V, I really do, but I guess there's a part of me that feels like this is never going to happen.
I'm thankful that I serve a God who would never give me more than I could handle. I know that there are many lessons that He is teaching me throughout this journey. But nonetheless, it is still emotionally trying. Today is one of my "blah" days. I just feel like I should be returned to the "Future Mommy" store and labeled "Broken." Ugh...just one of those days. These feelings will pass on by, I know that, but while they last, it sure isn't fun!
Well, AF decided to come this morning even though she certainly was not invited. So that means I start Follistim this week. I called the pharmacy yesterday to order it and the doctor's office hadn't even called it in. It makes me annoyed because my doctor asked me if I wanted to order it early just to be safe and I said yes. But the nursing and office staff never called it in. So...the doctor's office was closed yesterday when the pharmacy called them, so I have to wait until tomorrow to order it. So they're going to ship it same day delivery to my doctor's office. I need it for Tuesday because I have to go in for CD 3 baseline data. I'm supposed to have my medication with me so that they can show me how to use it.
So it's official. I am going to become a human pincushion. I must admit that I am not ready for that. I was secretly hoping that this was it for me, that the last Clomid cycle did the trick. Nope, it wasn't to be. So now we move on to injectables + trigger. I have no idea what side effects to expect, what mood changes to expect...DH just got used to the Clomid and how he has to get used to a different drug. Who knows how the levels of hormones will affect me. I'll keep you all posted as I take on the job of being a human pincushion.
