Hand In Hand

Hand In Hand

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

A Year Ago Yesterday

This is my post from a year ago yesterday:

Dearest Aunt Flow decided to visit today. It's about time she got here. She's been standing at the door for like 3 days now but just wasn't ready for a visit. How annoying! Everything is run on her time. 

Anyway. I made my appointment for baselines. I go in Thursday morning. Hopefully, that lovely cyst has run its course and is out of my body. It's on to injectables, big time. Part of me is worried that I'll have to do another cycle of bcp. I'm worried about my estrogen levels. But I'm really worried about my FSH levels. They were high last time and high estrogen is supposed to suppress estrogen levels. Ugh...I guess only time will tell what lies in waiting. 

I have a fresh look on it all. Today is a new day. Today starts a fresh cycle. If my bloodwork and ultrasound are no good, I'll do another cycle of bcp. It's okay, I have to have peace about whatever my body brings my way. In the meantime, I have a huge box full of medication plus more meds in the fridge just waiting to be used. And I have an egg somewhere in my ovaries just waiting to turn into a darling baby. 

I gave my ovaries a pep talk this morning. I had to make sure they were on the same page as I was. They are the boss of my cycle and they need to know what the proper directions are. Plus, I may as well coach them on how to behave. They've been misbehaving since the beginning of it all. It's time they get themselves under control! We'll see if they can behave on Thursday.

It is just amazing for me to read that and see how far I've come and how richly I've been blessed with Isabella. Last year at this time, I was getting ready to start my injections. I was so scared of it. I was doubtful of this working. I felt as though all my hope was drained out of me. I was growing weary of all the fertility treatments. And when my new cycle started a year ago, I was filled with new hope. That hope only came from God. He gave me a renewed hope. He alone knew that my prayers for a child would be answered that cycle. I am so thankful for everything I went through. I'm thankful for the pain of failed cycles. I'm thankful for the lessons in patience and trust. I'm thankful for the lessons in stepping out in faith. I'm thankful for the bumps in the road, the long journey, the trials along the way. It isn't just the outcome that makes us blessed, it is the journey to get there. Yes, it was hard. Yes, I almost gave up hope. Yes, it made me feel broken, empty, useless. But at the same time, yes, it strengthened my faith. Yes, it taught me more reliance on God. Yes, it strengthened my marriage. A year makes so much difference. And I'm just so thankful for the blessings of the past year. Rereading my post from last year makes me appreciate my precious miracle even more.

1 comment:

  1. It is amazing the changes that can happen in one short year. My "year ago" is coming up soon and it neat to look back on it all.