Journey Through Infertility and TTC

It's Been a While!

2011-11-11T15:25:00.000-05:00

My life as a busy mom and a teacher has caught up with me when it comes to blogging. I have not disappeared, just been too busy to get on here to play catch up. It's been an interesting school year so far, and that keeps me very busy with my head in my teacher's manuals. And, life with Isabella is ever exciting! She's into everything and is very hands-on and it leaves no time for blogging.

So, since she is peacefully napping next to me and I have the day off from work (NJ Teacher's Convention), I thought I would catch up. Isabella had her 15-month check-up today. 15 months! I can hardly believe that she is that old already. Time just goes by too quickly. The pediatrician we saw today is far from my favorite, but I realized that she's really not all that evil and actually has a sense of humor, I just still don't prefer her. But, onto the good stuff. My little munchkin is still a petite diva. She's 19lbs 13.5 ounces, which puts her a little over the 7th percentile. Length is another story...she's 28 3/4 inches long. That puts her in the 3rd percentile. Yes, my baby is little. She's always been little and she continues to grow within the same curve on the percentile chart. She's my sassy little lady and although she's a munchkin in every sense of the word, she's my cutie and I love her!!

What else is new? Isabella is full out walking and running. She thinks it's funny for you to chase her. She'll wait for you to come around the hallway and then she'll turn and walk away from you slowly until she realizes you are chasing her. Then, she will giggle and run. It's adorable! She teases the dog. She knows the difference between a dog and a cat, since we have a Shihtzu and my parents have a pit bull and two cats. Most days, she'll just call Angel "Og." Get it? Og=Dog. But, when she wants to tease the dog, she'll walk up to her, try to cuddle with her, pet her, then call her "Key Cat" (Kitty Cat). It's pretty funny, and she knows it is since she laughs as soon as she says it. She humors herself! She's got a vocabulary bursting at the seams already. She knows a lot of words and is starting to speak in phrases. It's great. She gets less frustrated when she wants something because as long as she isn't beyond the point of frustration already, she can tell us what she wants or at least walk to it and wait for us to get it. She amazes me with what she is able to do these days. Now if only she could put herself to sleep...

Everyday brings new adventures. Some of these adventures are fun, like watching my baby play in Chickfila with the bigger kids and flirt with little boys. Yes, my "sweet" Isabella is a sassy one who loves her boys. She will flirt with the cutest of the cute! Some of these adventures are not fun, like our car ride home from my mom's house the other day. With these molars coming in, My Sweet One has been sticking her fingers in her mouth and then she jams them down her throat, I guess to see how far back her fingers can go. Well, she did this in the car and caused herself to throw up all over herself and her carseat. Needless to say, I couldn't get home fast enough, strip her down, and get her in the tub/ Febreeze is a lifesaver, as my car now smells normal again. Adventures like that are not my idea of fun, but it's all part of Motherhood and I wouldn't EVER trade it for ANYTHING!

The thought occurred to me earlier today that two years ago, on this day, I went to my RE's office for my IUI. The IUI that would give me my sweet Isabella. Yes, two years ago, I truly embarked on my adventures in motherhood. Two years ago, I laid in the exam room, with my knees in the air for the 10 minutes they want you to "baste" before you can start "baking." I was doubtful. I wanted to believe that this would be it, this would be the time I conceived my long-awaited child. But part of my doubted it would be possible. I started my two weeks of agonizing waiting. Waiting for a negative test. Waiting to start the next cycle. Waiting for disappointment to greet me once again. But that disappointment never came. November will forever be a special month for me. I conceived my beautiful, precious Isabella in November 2009, had my IUI November 11, 2009, and my life has never been the same. I am truly blessed.

Hurricane Irene

2011-08-30T20:10:00.000-04:00

We are here, we made it through Hurricane Irene (Isabella's first hurricane and my first REAL hurricane) just fine. Earlier in the week, we had an earthquake (well, Virginia had the earthquake, but we could feel it in NJ), but we were in the car. So we didn't physically feel the earth move. Scary to think about, though.

Hurricane Irene was a very scary experience for our little family, but we made it through. Hubby went grocery shopping and made sure to get lots of non-perishable food items on Friday, since the threat of losing power was very real. We filled up the cars with gas and parked them away from the giant tree in our front yard. The rain started Saturday afternoon and it wasted no time getting to be a heavy rain. The wind didn't pick up until the evening. On Saturday, we brought all the food down to the basement, packed a bunch of things into a basket for the night, set up the air mattress in the basement, and set up the pack n play. We didn't want to sleep in our bedroom, with a giant tree right outside the window. In the back, we have some pine trees and I was worried about them, but not nearly as much. We played with Isabella with all of her toys downstairs (our basement is fully finished and her favorite place to play) until we got her in her pajamas and down to bed. But as the evening turned into early night, the tornado warnings started for South Jersey. We maintained electricity, so we heard all the warnings. It was VERY frightening. At one point, I grabbed Isabella out of the pack n play and ran to our closet under the stairs. Hubby made me move to be behind the bar, since that was a better place, further away from the sliding glass door. I was scared to death that we would lose power, the trees would all fall on the house, we would have a tornado rip off the roof, and we would be helpless because we were in the middle of a hurricane. But God protected us and watched over us. The tornado warnings calmed down around midnight. They started up again around 3am, but they were to the north of us, so I tried to get some sleep. Thankfully, I slept for a few hours, off and on. Isabella slept on the air mattress between Hubby and me, since she was restless and I was still too scared to put her farther away from me.

Sunday morning brought very heavy rain and heavy wind gusts. We continued to maintain our electricity, though, and for that, we are very thankful. When the rain stopped, we surveyed the house/row of homes in our townhouse unit for any damage. A random piece of siding trim was in our backyard, but we don't know where it came from. No other damage, just some branches down, a lot of leaves lost from the trees, and some MAJOR flooding around the area. We took a drive after the rain was gone so that we could see how much flooding was around our local area. It was unbelievable how many roads were closed due to the flooding. The entire state is water logged. The flood waters are starting to recede, but it is crazy.

We survived here in this house without any damage. We are blessed and thankful. But some of our friends have not been so fortunate. Many homes have water in the basement. Some homes are flooded. A friend of mine lost her home when a tree fell on it during one of the isolated tornadoes. She had to get stitches in her head, as she was hit by the falling tree. Very scary. I watch the news and see all the devastation up and down the east coast and I feel blessed to be safe and yet sick to my stomach to know that I am safe while so many have no homes left. Many babies were born during the hurricane, they say the barometric pressure being so low causes women to go into labor. I'm sure many babies will be born nine months from now. As for me, I survived my own paranoia and nervousness. Isabella wasn't bothered by any of it. The dog was mad because it was raining. And I'm married to a man who is so calm and level-headed during situations like this and I needed that more than he will ever know.

I will leave you with pictures from Hurricane Irene as we bunkered down and then took pictures of a very small amount of the local flooding.

Hiding during the tornado warnings

Hubby and Isabella napping Sunday morning

Our sleeping arrangement

My hiding place under the stairs

Flooding just a few blocks from our house

Small driving trail completely flooded

Major highway (Route 73) flooded

Parking lot completely under water

Notice the sandbags by the door of the PNC bank

Drive-Thru at the PNC bank

Local intersection flooded

Journey Through Breastfeeding

2011-08-06T12:13:00.000-04:00

In honor of World Breastfeeding Week, I thought I would write a post on my own personal journey through the past year of having my little nursling. I know that breastfeeding isn't for everyone. Not everyone can do it, whether it be for time reasons, health reasons, having multiples (and for those who have multiples and nursed or pumped, that's just amazing), etc...But breastfeeding is an amazing way to nourish your child and spend that bonding time with them, building a lifetime relationship that is like no other.

I will admit, before I was pregnant, I was one of those non-moms who was not a fan of breastfeeding, especially not in public. I always had the thought "how is a mom supposed to explain to her young kids that the mom over there with a child to her breast is just feeding her child?" With the shows on TV that oversexualize women, it can be a little tough to justify breastfeeding uncovered to someone who may not understand. So I was the skeptic. I was all for the idea of just buying formula, making a bottle, and having one ready. For whatever lunatic reason, it seemed more "convenient" to bottle feed. Uh...milk on tap at 2am or get up, make a bottle, warm it up, and feed from it, then wash it. Hmmm...I'm glad I got a little wiser! But I seriously wasn't such a fan on the idea of a child clinging to my chest all the time. I don't know what made me change my mind, maybe it was friends who have breastfed successfully and loved it, or maybe it's the mere fact that formula is a huge expense and my husband and I are both teachers. A summer baby on formula? Not smart, there's no money for all that nonsense if I've got the milk for free, a 24-hour dairy bar!

The first day breastfeeding, July 28, 2010, was not the easiest. I suppose for some women, it comes so naturally to them and their child. Isabella wanted to nurse, she desperately needed to. She spent a lot of time rooting around, but she just couldn't get a good latch. I refused to allow them to feed her from a bottle, this was something she had to learn to do. A c-section, although the best to birth Isabella, since she was breech and still all over the place during the section, is not good for breastfeeding, as the morphine makes all your body tissues soft. Poor little newborn couldn't get a good enough latch to nurse. I'm thankful for a night time nurse who knew exactly what my baby needed-something to help her latch on, despite my soft tissues. So she brought in a silicone shield. I only used it for the first 24 hours, until I was no longer on the morphine. It helped so much. Isabella was a pro at nursing from the beginning. Although she would fall asleep mid-feed, what newborn doesn't? We worked through it and she made breastfeeding seem easy and well worth it.

When my milk came in 5 days postpartum, I wasn't ready for the engorgement and pain that goes with it. I was warned, but I don't think you are really prepared for it. Poor Isabella again could not latch on very well. I found myself pumping an ounce out each time I wanted to feed, just to relieve some of the engorgement until she could empty out the rest of my milk. It all just became routine. What mattered to me was that I had this uninterrupted time with my beautiful daughter, where it was just the two of us, doing what we did best. Those first few weeks of breastfeeding were wonderful. It was a bonding activity that I am thankful we were able to share. It helps as a new mom to really make you feel needed, useful.

Our breastfeeding relationship was perfect. She nursed on demand, but got herself onto a good schedule...and then the day came to return to work. She handled it better than I thought she would. I'm the one who struggled through it. Getting into a good pumping routine is hard and I suspect that is when a lot of women throw in the towel. I stuck it out, fell into a good routine, and continued that through the end of the school year. It is not easy, pumping twice a day just to have the milk to give your child and to relieve the engorgement that ensues in those first few weeks of changing the routine. But we worked through the changes and our breastfeeding relationship became perfect again.

We worked through the intolerance of dairy fats. She didn't have an allergy, just a sensitivity to milk fats. So I had to cut out all dairy that had fat in it. She did fine when I had skim milk, but that was about it. Cheese? Nope. Ice cream? Forget that. Yogurt? No way. Mommy made sacrifices to make it through those first six months or so before she outgrew her milk intolerance. But like all experiences in life, you change to meet the needs of your child.

When February came and her first cold started, she continued to nurse through it. I suspected an ear infection, but every time we took her to the pediatrician, they said it wasn't that at all. Finally, a month after the cold first appeared, we encountered our first nursing strike. Yes, my 8-month old was striking. I was at my wits end. She wanted to nurse but when she would try, she would then scream in pain. I had to pump a lot those first two days of this nursing strike because it was the weekend and we had a bridal shower and a baby shower to go to. We finally got her in to see the pediatrician after day 3 of the nursing strike and sure enough, her one ear was badly infected. So, she was put on Amoxycillan and sent home. Ten days later, the dose ended and the next day, the second nursing strike began. Yes, this time, I knew what was going on. Those ears were not better. So we took her in again and this time, it was a double ear infection. Poor baby. Poor Mommy. She was put on Cednafir and given a well-check appointment to recheck her ears a day after the antibiotic was done. Ears were clear, nursing was back on track. A few days went by and then, on Easter Sunday, the fever started with the runny nose and the nursing strike. Thankfully, this time, I had the ear numbing drops to help with the pain, so she was able to nurse once the drops kicked in. Three ear infections in a month in a half, which equals three nursing strikes. And yet, I pushed through it, we continued our journey through breastfeeding, even if at times, it's a frustrating journey.

In late June, she started with yet another nursing strike, the fourth one in our relationship together. That one was hard because we weren't home. We were on the road visiting family and she was in pain from something and wouldn't nurse. Well, her top middle teeth were working their way in and she does not teeth well. So she couldn't muster up the strength to nurse through the gum discomfort until some Tylenol was given to her. Poor baby. Poor Mommy. But just like all the times before that, we worked through it and in the end, she was still nursing just fine once those teething stopping pushing so hard on those sensitive gums.

Just before her first birthday, she was running a fever on a Saturday, but we didn't make it to the pediatrician because we had nursery for a friend's wedding. Sunday came, she was still running a fever. Motrin would take it away, but as soon as it would wear off, it would be back. She embarked on another nursing strike until five minutes post ear numbing drops. Once those drops were in, she would nurse again, through the stuffy nose and all. Sure enough, she had her fourth ear infection. The majority of her nursing strikes are from ear infections. So we work through them and get by.

We've now been on this journey together for a year and nine days. There is no end in sight, though I am planning on weaning fully by 18 months. Then, it's time to get my body back in gear to plan a second child. But for now, we're contentedly enjoying the most of this relationship together. It has taught me a lot as a mom. No matter what I am doing, I am never too busy to let my little nursing suckle. No matter how frustrated we both get, we can get through it with some patience, creativity, and persistence. No matter how many things change around us, we have our routine and it works.

I'm glad I got a little wiser when the time came to choose breast or bottle for how to feed this beautiful child of mine. And although I always swore I would not nurse in public, I have, many times, though most of them covered. I survived the glares, the comments, the cackling. It's all par for the course. It's all natural, my baby needed to eat, to drink. People just need to know more about it before they make comments or give stares. It's just part of life, you feed where and when you need to based on your child's needs.

I make milk. What's your superpower?

Ear Infection+Birthday Party=Queen Fussypants!

2011-08-05T21:47:00.000-04:00

Yes, another ear infection. Isabella was running a fever the weekend before her birthday, so I kept an eye on things, knowing the signs by now of an ear infection, as she already had three before this one. Sure enough, by the Sunday before her birthday, the ear pulling was in full effect, so we made an appointment first thing last Monday morning to see the pediatrician. Poor baby had a bad ear infection in one ear and wasn't too far away from having a double infection. She doesn't teeth well. This ear infection is due to three bottom teeth coming in. She tends to drool more when those bottom teeth are coming in and so the fluid backs up into her ears and doesn't drain well (pediatrician suspects narrow ear canals). So, another round of Augmentin was prescribed. It didn't bother her the last time she was on it, but between the ear pain, the teething, the medicine making her belly upset, and just being all around fussy, she was very clingy and Mommy-needy. All this just in time for her birthday.

Four days into the Augmentin, we had a small birthday party with family on her birthday. Sure enough, Queen Fussypants was in the house. Yes, she was very fussy and very clingy. She refused to let anyone else hold her or even try to take her from me. This became increasingly frustrating for me, since every mom needs a break and my child is usually a social butterfly. But we all survived the small family party, clingy baby and all.

We had a big party for her on Saturday. It was so nice to share such a special event with so many friends and family. For those who have struggled with infertility, you know the specialness of reaching that first birthday. All these friends and family had prayed for us long before Isabella was conceived. She was prayed for, thought of, and dreamed of by many before she ever arrived in the womb and out of the womb. So for so many people to share with us as our little miracle turned one, it gets me a little teary eyed. I'm so blessed to have many family members and friends who just love my Isabella, even when she's fussy and only wants Mommy.

It was a nice event and we held it in our basement. It's so nice to have a house to host festivities in! Living in our apartment for so long, I never realized how much fun entertaining could be, even if I wasn't able to prep much or do anything besides decorate to get ready, since Isabella was so fussy. I'm glad I have understanding friends and family who knew she just wasn't feeling up to par, since they know her normal fun-loving behavior. She just wasn't herself.

The clothes...I dressed her in a birthday shirt with an adorable tutu made my Jennie from Designs by Cupcake Cuties. She was nice enough to bring the tutu over, even with Isabella's ear infection. Our babies enjoyed their playdate, even if half of it seemed to involve pigging out on their snacks.
I was going to put a cute hairbow that I got just for her birthday in her hair, but it was very big on her and she just wasn't feeling too well. So we just settled for a small hairbow. Nothing wrong with downsizing. So Isabella was dressed as the adorable baby she is!

Cake....she loved the cake her Poppy made for her birthday. It was an angel food cake with pineapples and cool whip/dream whip. She loved it so much that she stole part of my cake slice and fed it to herself! Her big birthday cake for the big party? She hated it. She cried. It was awful! Poor baby girl.

All in all, it was a nice time. We are so glad we got to celebrate one year of having Isabella in our hearts and in our lives. Here are some pictures from both the smaller party and the main festivity!

Isabella Turns One!

2011-07-28T09:48:00.001-04:00

Today, my sweet baby girl turns one.

Hard to believe that just one year ago, I checked myself into L&D so that I could have my c-section at 1:00pm. Last year at this very minute, 9:31am, I had such bad butterflies in my empty stomach. I hadn't eaten anything in over nine hours. I hadn't had anything to drink in over nine hours. I was hungry, thirsty, anxious, and jittery. The nerves can get the best of you as you await what will forever change your life, your world. At this time a year ago, I sat at home with my feet up watching the clock. I anxiously awaited that clock changing to 10:00am, when we would load up the car and head to the hospital.

A year ago today, I cried on my way to the hospital. Some of those tears were fear and nervousness. I was afraid of surgery. I didn't know how much pain I would be in, how sick I would be. I had heard stories from other women and I didn't know what to expect. Hubby comforted me and reminded me of what awaited on the other side of the surgery. Yes, what awaited was sure to be a beautiful newborn girl, MY baby, the one I had dreamed of for so many years. Although that was supposed to be comforting, indeed, it made me cry more! I was emotionally fragile, with so many different emotions running through me. But, I maintained myself long enough to get through the main hospital doors, check myself in at the front desk, and head up to L&D. Hubby offered to "give me the full experience" and wheel me up there in a wheel chair as if I was in labor or something. Of course, I denied it. Nothing like a nine-month pregnant lady in a pretty dress walking around the hospital just mere hours before holding that sweet baby!

All of that was a year ago...seems like yesterday. A lot of it is still so clear in my mind. The first time I heard that sweet cry, the first time I looked at my sweet girl's beautiful face, the first time I held her in my arms, the first time I was able to breastfeed her, the first time her Daddy held her, kissed her, and let her steal his heart forever, the first time her Poppy held her, the first time I saw both of her grandmothers hold her, kiss her, cradle her rock her, and snuggle with her. It all seems like yesterday. It feels like that was mere hours ago and yet, it was not hours ago, not a day or a week ago, but 365 days ago. Yes, a year can seem so small in time.

We are getting ready for the birthday celebrations around here. This day has been so long awaited! When you try for so many years to conceive a child, that long awaited miracle baby is so welcome with open arms. And now that she turns one, everyone is so nurturing and excited along with us! There is something extra special about an infertile's child turning one. Yes, we infertile myrtles make beautiful babies and they are so extra special. We're celebrating with a very small group of family who could make it tonight and then the REAL party is on Saturday. Isabella's friends will be here along with her very special and very close family members. It's sure to be an exciting day for all of us!

There was a long period of time when I almost thought a day like today, a 1st birthday celebration for your child, would ever be mine to experience. But indeed, the day has come to celebrate what the Good Lord has given me. He has given me a perfect, beautiful baby girl who no longer counts her age in mere months. She now has a full year of life in her. I am so thankful for and blessed by all that has been given to us in the past year. This child of mine is the biggest and grandest of blessings by far. She's made it through one year of milestones, changes, and adventures. Now, on to the next year!

So Much to Catch Up On!

2011-07-15T22:12:00.000-04:00

My goodness, where do I even start? I've been such a slacker about blogging lately. With a baby on the go, it's been increasingly difficult to find the time to really sit down and catch up! I shall try to do it all at once. I'll put pictures and videos on here, too, to show all the fun times we are having.

Isabella is almost a year old already. Time sure has gone by so quickly. In a little less than two weeks, I will have a one year old. That seems to strange to say. My little baby is no longer a baby. She is very much a little girl. I treasure everything about her, even the past month of sleepless nights and not handling teething well. It all goes with the package and I wouldn't want it any other way. Those are the things that make up who she is.

So let's see, Isabella is fully crawling now. She gets around pretty quickly. If you don't keep your eyes on her, she's across the room in no time. She pulls herself up on anything and everything she can find and is wanting to walk on her own, but she's still too wobbly in the knees. But that will come soon. I think that by the end of the summer, she will be walking. Hubby thinks she'll be walking by her birthday, but that gives her two weeks to not only take her first steps, but get beyond her sea legs. I'm not so sure about that. But I guess we'll see!

We have lots of teeth. She now has 6 teeth. Her gums are all swollen by her cuspids and molars, so we'll see what comes in next. She only has two bottom teeth, though. Her top middle two teeth just came in during June and are still dropping into position. They have caused her so much discomfort. I feel so bad for my baby. She really doesn't cut teeth well at all. But with all these teeth, she has been eating more and more yummy foods. Breakfast is such a challenge. I can't seem to find anything this child wants to eat for breakfast besides dry cheerios and watermelon. Strange combination, but that's what she likes. We're going to try scrambled eggs with sausage mixed in and see where we get with that.

You would think the teeth would deter me, but I am still breastfeeding. It's a challenge to breastfeed a one year old, her attention is getting worse. But when she really wants to nurse, she lets me know. She often times doesn't like to nurse when her daddy is around unless it's the middle of the night. She nurses so much better when it is quiet and it's just the two of us. I guess it's all par for the course. She is showing no signs of wanting to wean, just signs of wanting to nurse in different positions and different times of the day. My goal is to get to 18 months and be fully weaned by then. That means that by the end of January, I want to have a fully weaned child. I guess if she weans herself by then, it's not going to be as difficult as if I have to wean her. So we'll see how things go.

She went to Kentucky to visit her Great Grandma and Great Grandpa. I took some videos of them together. All of my grandparents are deceased, but thankfully, my husband still has his mom's parents. They are wonderful, especially with little babies. Isabella will cherish the videos when she is older. They are a wonderful way to capture the moment. With the distance between New Jersey and Kentucky, we won't get out there again until November. So it was definitely a nice trip. She was smitten with her Great Grandpa, but who wouldn't be!

Isabella is a beach lover. We've been to the beach three times now (gotta love living an hour and a half from the beach!) and although she was unsure of it the first time, she loves it now. She tries her best to eat sand and even though she spits out that first handful, she always goes back for more. She loves to roll around in the sand. She also has come to love her toes being in the water. She was unsure of it the first time went to the ocean. But now, she loves it. Next year will be even more fun!

There's not much else going on. We're planning a first birthday party with lots of friends and family over to celebrate the first year of this little miracle baby. It took a lot of work and prayer to conceive her and so this celebration is an extra special one. She is my blessing and we will celebrate it fully.

Sorry it has taken me this long to make this post, I just had so much to catch up on! Here are some pictures to enjoy.

Playing Catch Up

2011-06-12T07:59:00.000-04:00

Goodness, it's been a while since my last post! Isabella sure keeps me busy! There's been a lot that has been going on, lots of changes with her, good and bad. Me? There's nothing new with me. Where do I start with Isabella...I'll make a list of all the new things she does.

*She waves! She's been waving for at least three weeks now. She waves "hi" and "bye." Sometimes, we remind her to say hi to someone and she'll wave. Other times, she just does it on her own. Every now and then, she plays the shy game and won't wave. Instead, she'll give this little shy smile and bury her head in my shoulder or her Daddy's shoulder.

*She speaks words! Sure, she's been saying "Dada" and "Mama" for at least a month or so now, but she's added more words to her vocabulary! She's said "Hi," "bye," and "hello." She also says "thank you." What ten and a half month old that you know of has manners like that! She tries her best to say "Angel" and "doggy" when the dog is around, but it never quite comes out right. We're working on it, though.

*She now has 4 teeth. This last tooth to come in was absolute torture. She went on a modified nursing strike for 4 days. It was horrible! She would only nurse at bedtime, in the middle of the night, and first thing in the morning. Otherwise, she would scream out in pain and arch her back all the way backwards. Hubby to her to the pediatrician to have her ears checked because it was the same behaviors that started the first ear infection. Her ears were completely clear, it was just teething pain. Thankfully, by Thursday, the tooth had fully broken through the gums and seemed to be no longer a pain for Isabella. She's back to happily nursing and laughing instead of crying throughout the day.

*She crawls...backwards. Yes, she still doesn't crawl forwards. She would rather try to walk than work on crawling. She doesn't walk on her own, she holds my fingers and walks, pulling me along behind her wherever she wants to go. This is not a good sign, she'll be walking on her own before I know it. I think she's going to walk before she crawls forward. But we'll see. Maybe she'll crawl for a day before she walks. Who knows!

*I'm STILL breastfeeding. I know, the girl who swore she'd NEVER EVER breastfeed is the same girl who after ten and a half long months is still going strong with it. My long-term goal is 18 months. With each tooth that comes in, I've survived the biting (Isabella only bites when a new tooth is breaking through the gums), the nursing strikes, the ear infections (poor/frustrating nursing sessions), and the pinching. I am over halfway to my goal! I can't believe I once said I wouldn't ever do this. I would have missed out on so much beautiful Mommy-Daughter time. I cherish my moments with Isabella when I can cradle her while nursing and just look into her bright blue eyes. Gosh, I love that girl! There's not a whole lot of things better than just being able to look into those little blue eyes that I thought I would never get to see.

*Summer break is almost here! There's one good thing about being a teacher and that's having the summer to spend with my beautiful daughter. I'm so excited to spend this summer with her, teaching her lots of new fun things. She's going to walk, hopefully crawl, and maybe even learn some simple sign language! I'd love to have a child who can communicate better and not be as frustrated when I don't know what she wants.

That's about it from this world. As we speak, Sesame Street is coming to an end and Isabella is getting frustrated about not being the center of Mommy's attention. So I'm going to end this blog post here with a few pictures of my Isabella from the past few weeks. Enjoy!

More Reflections on Motherhood and the Journey to Get Here

2011-05-18T21:26:00.000-04:00

A friend of mine texted me over the weekend and asked about what was specifically not working right with my body that caused my difficulty conceiving. It got me thinking about the journey I went on to get here. Times like that can cause me to reflect on how I feel about things like that. So I thought I would share some reflections I had and then some of my reflections on Motherhood. So, thoughts about the journey...

It's hard. Nobody said it was easy. Nobody thinks it's easy. It's emotionally hard. It's physically hard. It's mentally hard. It can be spiritually hard. But, for as hard as it was, I don't regret a single step in that journey. If I had to do it all over again, I would do it in a heartbeat if it meant the end result was another beautiful child like Isabella.

I wouldn't wish this journey on my worst enemy. Yes, I said I would do it again in a heartbeat. But I have the end result to hold in my arms, to snuggle with, to kiss goodnight. Not everyone does. And it's so draining. It can be hard on a marriage. It can be hard on friendships. I wouldn't want anyone to ever go through what I went through to get Isabella. And the reality is that a lot of women go through much more to get their beautiful miracles and I'm sure that knowing the end result, they would do it again in a heartbeat, too.

Part of me is scared to go through it all again in a few years. Hubby and I have decided to wait until 2012 to start with fertility treatments again. And although the idea of a second child is exciting, I'm so nervous and scared of the journey to get there. Silly, maybe, but it's the truth! All those thoughts go through your head like "What if it doesn't happen this time around?" and "What if all my hormonal issues have multiplied and are worse?" All thoughts I have no right to be thinking, since I'm not even thinking about conceiving that child until a year from this coming fall. But the thoughts are still there...

And then, some reflections on Motherhood.

Before being a Mom, I thought I knew how much I could love another human being. I love my parents, I love my husband, I love my siblings. But nothing prepares your heart for the overflowing love you feel as a Mother. My mom told me there was no love like that of a mother. But you just don't understand until you are one yourself. I looked at Isabella as she slept in my arms tonight ad said to Hubby, "Did you ever think you could love such a small, delicate being as much as you do?" It just amazes me how much I love my little baby girl.

Time does not march on. It zips on past. No marching band can march as quickly as time seems to go by. I miss those first few months. I saw a little boy at the allergist tonight and it made my heart a little sad because I feel like that was already forever ago. Every stage and milestone is hit so quickly and time zips on past. First, it's cereal. Then, it's baby food. Then, it's the teething. Then, it's more solid foods, crawling, and practice walking. It's the talking, the waving bye-byes, and already forming personality. Time just goes by too quickly.

Reflections before Mother's Day Arrives

2011-05-07T19:01:00.000-04:00

I was thinking to myself today how strange it is to actually be celebrating Mother's Day as a mother. And then, I was taken back to a time when I bitterly sat in church in Mother's Day and watched as all the kids would go and get a flower to give to their moms. And there I would sit, no child to bring me a flower. I remember all those emotions and I know that some of you who read this blog are feeling those very emotions right now. Mother's Day is a holiday that is so hard for the woman fully engrossed in the infertility world. It's so hard to watch as your friends, your family, and your blogger friends celebrate such a special, enchanted day. It's one of those holidays that the woman who is battling infertility would rather sleep through and not have to deal with. I've been there and even though I have a child, I can't help but remember how that felt.

Life is so different now for me. I'm hosting Mother's Day lunch tomorrow for my parents and it's my first official Mother's Day as a mother! It's very surreal, almost like a dream, to think that I have a daughter, I am a mother, this holiday is now for me, too. It's exciting to realize that nine months in, nobody has pinched me to wake me up from this beautiful dream. But I guess that's because it's not a dream. Indeed, my reality of being a Mother to the most beautiful little girl I could have ever dreamed of is a wonderful reality. I am a Mother. Me. A Mom. I still have to repeat that to myself. It's so strange to think about it!

Happy early Mother's Day to all the moms reading this, both young and old, both moms to human babies and moms to furry babies. Mother's Day is celebrated once a year, but we're moms all year long!

The Versatile Blogger Award!

2011-04-22T19:49:00.000-04:00

Thank you, The Disheartened and Jessica for the nomination! I'm not used to getting blog nominations and sometimes, I just think people skip over my blog, since it really isn't always the most interesting! I appreciate the love TONS!

Here are the rules:

1.) Winners- Put the above image in your blog.

2.) Include a link back to the person who gave it to you.

3.) Tell 10 things about yourself

4.) Award 15 other bloggers

5.)Contact the bloggers you awarded and let them know they won.

So, I put the picture there right in the beginning of this blog. AND, I linked back to the two awesome women who nominated me. Now, for ten things about me...

1. I still consider my doggie to be my "firstborn." I know, it's not the same, but fur babies are babies and she was my first one. Shhh! We won't tell Isabella!

2. My husband actually chose our daughter's name. I was really leaning towards "Azaria." I think it's a beautiful name and it means "Helped by God." I thought it seemed perfect for my child after all I had been through, but we had four names on the list and in order to secure the middle name "Joy," I let Hubby choose her first name, Isabella.

3. I'm a teacher and I LOVE my job. Regardless of how bad things are politically in New Jersey at the moment, my students are my job and I love them.

4. My husband and I met at our first real teaching job. He's a music teacher and I'm a special education teacher. It was almost love at first sight. I just had to stop denying how I felt about him.

5. I play the flute. In fact, I played at the Earth Day assembly at my school on Wednesday and ended up with my picture in the county newspaper.

6. I'm in love with nature, mainly the spring flowers. I just love to go for walks on warm spring mornings and evenings with my camera in tow so I can take pictures of the blossoms on the trees and the flowers in full bloom in the gardens.

7. I'm a quilter. I haven't yet made a quilt for my daughter, though I plan on doing that this summer. I have made other baby quilts and have a few to make for my new mommy and mommy-to-be friends.

8. I used to work at a camp called "Mt. Misery." For real, that's really the name of the United Methodist Camp. Google it. It's an awesome place with a very quirky name.

9. I went to an all women's college, Georgian Court University (it was still a college back then). In order to get some men around, we "imported" them from the military base. One of my dearest friends is one of those military guys.

10. I have almost no sweet tooth. It died when I got pregnant with Isabella and hasn't really returned. I guess it's really not a bad deal.

Now, the nominees (in no specific order):

1. Christina from The Subfertile Frugalista

2. Jennifer at Thoughts From a Blonde

3. All you Who Hope

4. Jennnie from Living, Laughing and LOVING life as a Mom!

5. Holly at Living the miracle we call life.

6. Priscilla from It only takes on time...Not!

7. Krista at Diary of taking small steps toward baby steps...

8. JZ from Infertility and the City

9. Journey Girl at Donor Eggs Journey

10. ~Sabine~ from A Land Far Away

11. Catrisha T at Baby Dreams

12. The Mrs. from In God's Hands

13. MiraclesDHappen at Our Infertility Journey: Awaiting That Birthday!

14. Olivia from Traveling Within

15. Eileen at We got hitched. We bought the 4 bedroom house. Now what???

A Few Lessons Learned on Planet Mom

2011-04-12T19:40:00.000-04:00

There are a thousand lessons a mom learns on her first adventure in parenthood. And certainly, I can't write them all down. I don't know most of them, since I haven't yet learned some of those lessons. But I thought I would share some of those lessons with you. Some are comical, some are personal, some are just common sense. Enjoy!

Lesson 1: Sleep has a new-found value. Yes, I thought it was best to start with this one. The truth is that you will still get sleep as a mom. But you won't get as much sleep as you used to and it often is broken sleep, with a baby waking up in the middle of the night. Again, not a big deal, you still get sleep, but sleep takes on new value. Being a mom is exhausting and it's always good to have those extra moments to nap.

Lesson 2: You're time is not your own anymore. Yes, you may still have a few moments of "me time." But it just isn't the same. Your time is spent doing laundry for the baby, giving the baby a bath, nursing, feeding the baby breakfast, lunch, or dinner, playing with the baby, cuddling with the baby, or rocking the baby to sleep. Yes, those few moments of "me time" are usually spent driving to work, getting a shower, or letting Daddy play with the baby.

Lesson 3: You can NEVER have enough baby clothes. Okay, my loving and very frugal husband would definitely not agree with that statement. But it's true, especially for baby girls. They need such a beautiful wardrobe filled with dresses, rompers, jumpers, leggings, athletic pants, khakis, jeans, onesies (short and long sleeved), t-shirts, long sleeved shirts, socks, hair bows, jackets, etc...you get the idea. There can never be enough. Everything out there is just too darn cute!

Lesson 4: Babies want to spend a lot of time with Mommy. There are moments when I would just love for Isabella to want her daddy. But the reality is that she wants to spend a lot of time with me. Sometimes, it's just sitting on the floor playing with her and that's all she wants. Other times, it's a soft place to sleep and loving arms to rock her to sleep. But it's a lot of time spent with Mommy.

Lesson 5: Sleep deprivation is a natural thing and you learn to work through it. Yes, I never thought I would say that. But I get a lot less sleep now than before I had Isabella and somehow, my body has adjusted to it and it's fine. But, of course, I still get 6+ hours of sleep a night, so it's not full sleep deprivation.

Lesson 6: Ear infections+teething=a very unhappy baby. Okay, that's common sense. I just had to add it in. It was a miserable weekend when the ear infection was in full force. Thankfully, it's gone and the first tooth is working its way in (just broke the gums today).

Lesson 7: A smile from your baby can make everything feel okay. Maybe you had a bad day at work. Maybe you're just feeling sad or depressed. Who knows what's going on with each of us day to day. But I know that when I'm not feeling fabulous, Isabella gives me that Hollywood smile (I know, an eight-month old can give a Hollywood smile? Really? Yes!) and it just melts my heart. It makes everything all better, even if it's just for the moment.

Lesson 8: Strangers are going to admire your baby (and not always from their own personal space). There are too many dirty, germy hands that reach out for my baby because they want to admire her. It's just I need to teach adults about personal space and the rule of "if it's not yours, don't touch it!" They will feel the need to "pet" your baby's head, touch their feet, and try to hold their hand. Yes, it happens quite often and I am irritated by people's lack of personal space.

Lesson 9: Your post-baby body is still beautiful, baby pooch and all. I know, this is a hard lesson to listen to. But it's true. There is nothing more beautiful than the body of a woman who brought life into this world. That kangaroo pouch is a beautiful thing, just think of the purpose it served! Of course, it helps to be even more beautiful when you put that beautiful baby in your arms. It's like arm candy!

Lesson 10: Time goes too quickly during the first year. Everyone says this and we all nod our heads and say "Sure it does." But seriously, it does. I am at a loss for where time has gone. It has flown by, too quickly, much too quickly. Write down everything, take lots of pictures, too, because the time just goes by too quickly.

Lesson 11: All moms need mom friends who know what they are experiencing. I could not have embarked on this adventure alone. It has been so important to me to have friends who have babies Isabella's age or just a little older who know what I'm going through. Their knowledge and wisdom has been so important to me.

Lesson 12: That beautiful hair you gained in pregnancy? Gone. Yep, gone. I lost so much hair around 2-3 months postpartum. Now, I have these annoying baby fuzzies on the top of my head, right around the front of the hair line. My hair is not as lustrous or full as it was during pregnancy. My husband still says it's beautiful, but it isn't what it was nine months ago.

Lesson 13: Anything that makes noise can help distract an angry baby. I love that I can distract Isabella with my cell phone, the dog's squeakie toys, or any of her rattles. She can get moody, but I can easily get her attention on something new instead of whatever was making her mad before.

Lesson 14: Everyone will offer advice on every situation. Some pieces of advice are great. Other pieces of advice are not worth much. The best piece of advice I was ever given was that not all advice given to me would be worth my time. But everyone, even those friends without children, think they know everything. They have been there, tried that, done that, and experienced that. They have the answer for this problem and that problem. Just take it all in and decide what applies to you.

Lesson 15: Quality spouse time can be hard to find. This isn't always the case, but especially with ear infections, teething, and hungry babies, it can be hard to find time to really enjoy quiet time with your spouse.

Lesson 16: Put away those pretty trinkets that dangle around your neck. Yes, I mean your bling. It becomes an excellent pulling toy for the baby. Isabella LOVES necklaces. Mommy doesn't wear them, so she loves to be held by anyone wearing them. She pulls on them, chews on them, and loves the feeling of the chains on between her fingers. But if it's an expensive piece of jewelry, you may not want to wear it for a while.

Lesson 17: You will gain an infinite amount of patience dealing with a baby. Maybe you didn't think it was possible to have the patience of a saint. But have a baby and you'll learn that you'll gain it quickly. It can be very frustrating taking care of a fussy baby, especially when you don't know why they are fussy. But sometimes, all it takes it a lot of patience and a lot of love (plus some gas drops, Tylenol, or cuddling) to help ease the grumpiness.

Lesson 18: Your adventures are endless, as there are always new things to do. Isabella is getting into more and more things and yet, she isn't even crawling yet! Imagine the adventures once she starts crawling and then walking! We've already had a lot of adventures and she is so much fun. There are so many more adventures just waiting around the corner!

Lesson 19: Taking an adventure with your spouse (even to the grocery store) without the baby is a DATE. Okay, so maybe not a trip to the grocery store, but any time you can get out without the baby, it's a date! And it really doesn't happen that often if you're like me and want to soak up every moment you can with your baby.

Lesson 20: Babies make the world a much happier place. This needs no explanation. It just is true!

Those are my lessons learned. And of course, there are so many more to share, but I'll leave you with those 20 lessons for now! Thanks for reading them all!

Ear Infections, Teething, and My Little Princess

2011-04-06T22:09:00.000-04:00

I know, I know, I'm a slacker and haven't posted for a while. Lots has been going on, keeping me very busy and unable to really get on here to post anything.

We survived Isabella's first ear infection! It was NOT easy. She was running a fever two weeks ago, so we called the triage line for our pediatrian. They weren't too concerned about it and told us to just keep a watch on it. So we did. The fever broke and we thought nothing of it. Then, two weekends ago, she wouldn't nurse. In fact, she pretty much lost her appetite and would just scream and cry at the drop of a hat. We would lay her down. She'd cry. I'd try to nurse. She'd cry. I'd try to feed her some baby food. She's cry. We were at a loss. She was really gassy, so I just chalked it up to the gas and teething. An entire weekend of this went by with no change. So we got her in for a sick baby visit and sure enough, she had an ear infection. She had lost weight because of what the pediatrician called "Baby Anorexia." I call it a modified nursing strike. She's been on antibiotics for over a week and it's made all the difference. The old Isabella is back and it's nice to have her back! My milk production took a serious nose dive from her ear infection. In fact, my cycles started again because of her nursing strike. But my milk production has increased in the last few days, so hopefully, we're fully on the rebound. She's now up to 16.19 pounds. I'm sure she would weigh more if she didn't have that nasty middle ear infection.

Now, the teething. Ugh...those teeth are still not in! The bottom two are trying to push through the gums. In fact, the tooth bud for the lower right side is working on coming it. You can feel it and see it clearly, but still no teeth. She's wanting to chew on EVERYTHING. She wants to massage her gums with anything she can get her hands on. Not always a good thing. She decided tonight to chew on the TV remote! That's a no-no for sure!

As for everything else, things are going well. Isabella is such a little ham. She knows when the camera is out and she'll pose. I know, an 8-month-old who poses? Come on. Well, I'm serious! Here are a few pictures to leave you with. I'll try to post a better, longer post this weekend. But we'll see how busy Izzy keeps me!

It's All About Perspective

2011-03-27T21:44:00.000-04:00

It's been rough going here the past two days. Isabella has TERRIBLE gas and she is miserable at random moments of the day. We're back to using gripe water and mylicon constantly. My sweet little baby girl hasn't been sleeping through the night for the past week. She's hungry all the time during the sleeping hours of the night. She's definitely hit another growth spurt. Am I complaining? No, not at all! My sweet baby girl is teething, fighting who knows what kind of virus (she had a fever earlier in the week, now has the gas galore, and has a wee bit of a congested cough when she wakes up from a nap). Am I tired? Sure. Would I love a full night's sleep again? Absolutely. Here's where the perspective comes in.

Two years ago, I wasn't pregnant, wasn't close to being pregnant, and slept all night long. I didn't have to get up and nurse a hungry, teething baby. But that's because I didn't have a hungry teething baby to nurse. I would take the sleepless nights of having a hungry, cranky, fussy, clingy baby ANY DAY over not having her at all. I may be tired, but she brings me so much joy, so much peace, and so much purpose. There are too many moms who complain when they get no sleep. They complain that their baby needs them too much. Not I. Isabella is what makes all the lack of sleep and frustrating bedtimes all worth it. When I look in her beautiful blue eyes and see that smile that tells me she knows who I am, it makes everything all worth it.

It's all about perspective. I could sleep all night and never have someone wake me up in the middle of a good dream. But that would mean that I didn't have my sweet Isabella. I'd rather be a tired and loving Mom any day.

Moving Day

2011-03-22T20:43:00.000-04:00

Well, moving day has come and gone and we are now settling into our new home. It's a beautiful townhouse and I'm so excited for all the adventures yet to be had here. Isabella adjusted well to the move, though we've been up in the middle of the night every night. But that was going on for a week or two before the move. I wonder if she's in a growth spurt or something. Who knows...We brought the dog home on Sunday. She's trying to adjust and tonight is the best night for her so far. She's very anxious about it and I think she's secretly afraid that we are leaving her. She recognizes the furniture and can smell herself on it, but she's still very insecure.

As we were moving, I realized that I never donated or discarded my old fertility medicines. So now, I have a kitchen pantry full on injectable medicine that I will not be using for quite a while! At this point, we probably will wait until fall 2012 to TTC again, but we will see. It's probably the best decision. Then, we can enjoy a lot of time with Isabella and watch her grow and have firsts before the second one is even thought of.

As far as the new house and the new neighborhood go, there are a lot of kids around. Most of them are older, but that doesn't mean there aren't any babies around. We just haven't seen any yet. I'm hoping there are some little ones around so that Isabella will have some friends to play with in a year, but we'll have to wait and see what happens!

I'll leave you with some pictures of the new townhouse now that we are moved in.

This is Closing Day-our first picture once we owned it.

Isabella is enjoying her new kitchen.

Lunch time!

Moving Day

family picture in front of the new house

The formal dining room

The cooking half of the kitchen

The front door, ready for visitors

Isabella's room (will be painted in a month)

Her nice set up, the only thing missing is her books.

Our full finished basement

The living room is ready to go

Isabella even has her Jumperoo ready!

This is the rest of the kitchen.

More pictures to come in a future post...

New Home in Less Than a Week!

2011-03-13T14:40:00.000-04:00

Well, five more days will pass and then, we will be moving out of this apartment. I am excited to be moving into a new home, a bigger home. It will be nice to provide play space for Isabella, a place where she can grow up having room to run around, cause chaos, and enjoy every minute of it. Packing is going as well as it can with having Isabella to help. She was sick all of last week and even now, she just wants to be held while one of us is packing. So instead of four hands getting the work done, only two hands are packing and the other two hands are loving Isabella. But it's exciting. You dream about having a new home for so long and you eventually decide it may just never happen. But God provided this opportunity for us and I'm so thrilled about it.

At the same time as I am excited, I am also very sad. This is the home Hubby and I moved into a year after we got married. It's where we established ourselves, grew our marriage, added to the family with our precious dog. It's where we prayed many nights about starting a family and where we felt God answering our prayers with a "Yes" for starting to try for a family. It's the home that saw many tears and hugs in all the failed months before even starting fertility medications. It's the home that saw 11 long months of fertility medications. It's the house that saw the positive pregnancy test on Thanksgiving morning. It's the home I relied on in the heat of summer when I was bursting with pregnancy, waiting on Isabella's arrival. It's the home that Isabella came to first when we left the hospital. It's where she's spent the past seven and a half months of growing, changing, developing, and blessing our lives. There are so many memories in this small space. If walls could talk or write, they could write a long novel of all the experiences this house has seen. This house is where our friend J. (who died March 18, 2010) proposed to my very dear friend A. when he was house sitting for us a few years ago. The memories this house holds are not just our own. I know I will cry the day we move. It's a bittersweet thing. You grow attached to the memories that are held within the walls of every room.

Moving Day will be bittersweet, for sure. But it's an exciting time for us. Moving into a three bedroom townhouse will be nice. And, if my dream/nightmare of last week were to come true, even that space would be too small. I had a dream that I was pregnant with 8, YES-I SAID 8- babies. In my dream, I found out I was pregnant, had an ultrasound to confirm that there were 8 babies, and went into labor all in one week. The paramedics did a c-section at home (we already lived in the townhouse) and all 8 babies weighed 7-8 pounds EACH. Yes, it was more of a nightmare. We didn't move. We housed them all in the townhouse, which gave us 9 babies to be responsible for. Good thing it was just a dream, I think I would cry, scream, and need some serious help with that.

On that note, I'll leave you with a picture of what happens when packing gets a little out of control around here.

Chugging Along!

2011-02-22T21:43:00.000-05:00

Well, Isabella is almost seven months old! We're still here, chugging along. A big change looms in the very near future-we got a house! So, we are in the process of moving. Closing is set for March 18, so it looks like we will be moving on the 19th. I'm excited, but I'm also very nervous. We have so much to get done and doing it all with a baby in tow is very difficult. It's not impossible, but it sure is tough! She is getting over her first cold and add the shots from yesterday's pediatrician appointment, she's super clingy and wants to snuggle. So not a whole lot has been done. It's scary to think about it. But that's a HUGE change in our lives and it's going to be excellent for Isabella.

I'm still breastfeeding. I love it. I honestly really never thought it would be as amazing of an experience as it is. My initial reason for choosing it was that it saved so much money. Teachers are poor in the summer, you know? With a summer baby, breastfeeding seemed to be the less expensive route. And it's been truly the most rewarding and amazing experience of being a Mom. There is something so beautiful, so personal, and so intimate about that moment of nursing, whether it be for nutrition, comfort, or sleep. My baby looks to me for her source of comfort and it just melts my heart.

Isabella is doing so many exciting things now. She's got a tooth getting ready to cut through the gums. The outline is there on her gums, it just hasn't popped through yet. She's been playing with a lot more of her toys and initiating the play with them. She's figured out how to get her pacifier back into her mouth. She reaches out to pet the dog. She's so excited about little things, like seeing her Daddy walk into the room. In fact, now, she reaches out for him so that he can pick her up.

We went to the park last week when it was strangely (and beautifully) 70 degrees in February in NJ. It was her first time walking to the park in an umbrella stroller and she loved it. She went in the swings and at first, she wasn't sure what to think. It was new, probably a bit scary. But once she got the feeling of the back and forth movement, she was all giggles!

She had her well baby checkup and my little jellybean is up to 15 pounds. She's about 24 inches long, so she's a short one! The pediatrician is very pleased with her growth, so no worries. She's doing well! She's still getting over her first cold, which she had last week and the week before. So she's still more tired than usual, but she'll get back to normal soon.

I'll leave you with some pictures from this month including on from the park.

Exciting Changes

2011-02-09T21:36:00.000-05:00

Where do I start with all that's going on around here...I guess I'll just make it a short list. There's really not all that much going on, but it's enough!

1. Isabella is already six months old! WHAT?! Where does time go? Seriously, my baby girl is growing so quickly and I'm just so in awe of her. She's beautiful, sweet, and generally so happy. I'm so blessed and just can't believe she has been with me for a half a year now.

2. She's teething...big time. There aren't any teeth ready to pop through yet, but she's really been bothered by her gums lately. She's in her six month growth spurt. So with that and the teething, her sleep patterns have changed. I feel like we are back in the first two months again when we are up all hours of the night with a crying baby. She has a wet diaper. She's hungry. She wants her pacifier. It's all the joys of parenthood. I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. But it sure is taking a toll on me. I've had a migraine off and on for the past three days.

3. Isabella's been sleeping in her big girl crib now for four nights. Tonight will be the 5th night. It's a little scary for me to not have her in the room with me in her bassinet. And maybe that's what is causing some of her sleep issues, but we'll see how things go in the weeks to come. She'll get used to it.

4. I'm still have blood pressure issues. It was an issue before I got pregnant with Isabella. But throughout most of the pregnancy, it wasn't a big deal. It didn't get bad until the third trimester. So now, my family doctor wants me to have all these tests done to see what the cause is and to see if it is affecting any major organs. So I saw the cardiologist yesterday. I had a stress echo cardiogram done and I passed with flying colors. So it's not my heart. I am getting blood work done next Friday. I guess we'll see what happens with that. I am due for my annual exam with my OB and I'm sure he'll ask me if I've done anything about my blood pressure issues. At least I can answer him with a "yes" even though they haven't figured it out yet.

5. The biggest news of all-Hubby and I are going to be homeowners! I'm so excited. We have been searching for a home since right after Christmas. In fact, we had an offer on three other homes and nothing came of those offers that was worth doing anything about. So we are so excited about this townhouse two-story townhouse with a full finished basement. It's the perfect space to raise a family. So now, we can think about conceiving #2 in the fall as long as my blood pressure issues are better under control.

I'll leave you with some recent pictures of Isabella, some from her six-month pictures and some from this past weekend. Enjoy!

Why I Breastfeed

2011-01-22T21:38:00.000-05:00

I never imagined I'd be the mom who discreetly covered up and nursed in public. I thought I'd be the formula-buying, bottle wielding mom who was prepared with filled bottles in the diaper bag, on guard and ready to go. Even at the beginning of my pregnancy, I was on the fence, really not sure if I wanted to go through the beginning learning process of breastfeeding. I chose to go with breastfeeding for two reasons-bonding and cheapness. Okay, I know, cheapness? Really? Yes, really. I'm a teacher. I'm married to a teacher. Isabella was a summer baby. Everyone knows that teachers are poor in the summer. So I weighed the cost of nursing pads and lanolin cream with the cost of formula. It's obvious which one costs less. So I chose to go with breastfeeding and prayed that I would have sufficient milk for my little princess.

The first day breastfeeding was far from joyous, I have to admit. Isabella had a lot of difficulty latching on, thanks to my morphine drip (oh the joys of c-sections). But I'm so thankful that the hospital had excellent lactation consultants hanging around. They gave me the silicone nipple shield and said that morphine makes your body tissues soft, not a good thing for getting a newborn to learn how to nurse. But that shield made all the difference in the world. It was uncomfortable. My nipples were very raw, sore, chapped. Isabella would nurse for a half hour on each side for the first two days. She would fall asleep. I never had doubts, though. I never wanted to throw in the towel in those first few days. Even when my milk came in all at once and the engorgement was painful, I never wanted to give up. Even when I was shopping for well-fitting nursing bras two weeks after giving birth and I started leaking something fierce in the dressing room, I didn't want to give up.

There is something so intimate, so amazing, so beautiful about breastfeeding. It's an art. When you think of art, you think of something beautiful, magical, enjoyable, and peaceful. That's breastfeeding! I'm so blessed to have an ample supply. I'm so blessed to be able to provide that sort of bond for Isabella. It has really helped my little Isabella put on much needed weight, since she was in the bottom 5th percentile when she was born. Our bond is unquestionably very close. She comes to me for nourishment. She also relies on me for comfort. Yes, even at six months, she still comfort nurses and enjoys nursing to sleep. I just love those moments when I can look down and just enjoy the view of my beautiful child looking up at me.

I will admit that pumping at work isn't the most amazing or beautiful experience in the world. In fact, it's rather ridiculous. I chose to set up my classroom with my desk in the far corner so that from the doorway, you can't see it. I lock my door, sit in the corner, and pump. That's how I spend my lunch every single day. It's not intimate. It's not amazing. But it means Isabella still has that connection to me during the day when she's at my parents' house. It's just all part of it. I hate pumping. But I do whatever it takes to provide for my little darling. After all, if I have the supply of milk, it would be a shame to not use it!

Six months into Isabella's precious life, I am still breastfeeding. I get stares, glares, and comments out in public. I hear the whispers, I get the comments of "I know what you're doing under there" as they walk past my covered up child nursing. Do I have to cover up? No. But I chose to. Some people just aren't okay with public breastfeeding and I honestly feel more modest being covered up. But I'm still going strong. It isn't about saving money by choosing the cheap feeding option anymore. It's about enjoying my Mommy moments with Isabella. It's about sharing that intimate bond with her as she relies on me for food, for comfort, for sleep (when she's cranky and just can't get to sleep). It's just one of my sources of joy with being a mother!

A Woman of Strength and Courage

2011-01-19T08:02:00.000-05:00

Ten months ago, my friend A. lost her husband J. in a horrific car accident. I know I posted on it around that time. She was pregnant and had a child turning two years old. In the past ten months, I have learned so much about life, family, love, courage, strength, and faith just from watching her, helping her, listening to her, and spending time with her. A. is a woman of unbelievable strength. Of course her strength doesn't come from her own self, it comes from the loving God we serve. But she just amazes me. In the midst of so much personal pain and grief, she still serves her family, her friends, her church. She gives where she can give, helps when she can help, and reaches out when she feels the need to serve others. I stand amazed of the courage she has to get up each day, a single mom of two children, and continue on with life. She is so brave. I know A. doesn't always think so. She mourns still, grieves still, and really misses J. He was the love of her life, her childhood sweetheart. I've never known anyone else to have the love they shared. J. was such a unique and fun person. I'm sure there were days when A. had to have a lot of patience to live with someone who would get up at 5am, wide awake, singing. But that was J.

A. is getting by. Her oldest daughter, M. is going to be 3 years old in April. Her younger daughter, A.J., was born in early September. A. is a SAHM right now and a single mom to boot. Even with lack of sleep, she still inspires all the women, wives, and moms around her. I don't know that I would be able to be as wise, calm, patient, or strong as she is with all that she is going through.

With all of that said, please pray for A. She has a lot of personal challenges she's being faced with right now. I know that God doesn't give us more than we can handle, but I know there are days when she feels the burdens are getting too heavy to bear. Time supposedly makes the grief a little less heavy, but losing your spouse has to be one of the hardest things life can offer. She really misses J. and her heart just aches for what he gave. So just pray for her, for her family, and for her children. God has been good in providing friends who can comfort, but we just can't understand the true mourning of her heart.

Through all of the grief, she remains strong for her children. She greats each day with the courage to go through it and see what God would have her do. A., you are an inspiration to me. I love you very much and I'm so blessed to call you a dear friend. Thank you for all that you teach me through your actions and through your life.

Isabella Has More Firsts!

2010-12-27T21:36:00.000-05:00

We celebrated Isabella's first Christmas this year! Oh how I've waited for the year that I could hold a baby in my arms on Christmas morning. It was magical. Nothing short of a miracle for me. I am so overwhelmed with love for my little dear. Christmas was exciting! We opened her stocking with her. We didn't buy a lot of gifts for her because I didn't know what everyone else was getting for her. So we'll go shopping and get a bunch of things in a few days. But going through that first stocking is something so special. The week before Christmas, Isabella had her first meeting with Santa. We weren't sure about doing the whole Santa thing, but we decided we would go ahead and do the Santa thing. But we want to make sure we always place the birth of Christ higher than Santa.

We also had our first major snowfall of the winter season. I took Izzy out in it for a few minutes just to get pictures. It is sooooo coooold outside, though, so I couldn't keep her outside for long. It was fun, though, to get pictures of the baby in the snow!! She wasn't sure what she thought about it. But she'll grow to love it. After all the snow we had when she was in the womb, she'll be a snow bunny, that's for sure!

She had her first cereal a few weeks back. But we started oatmeal yesterday. This coming weekend, we move on to yellow and orange baby food vegetables! YAY! My little baby is growing up too quickly. She's also going to be graduating to her "Big Girl" crib in a few days. I don't want to think about Isabella sleeping in her own room, but she needs to do it for herself and for me. It's time. :-(

There's not too much to post on other than what I already posted. So I'll just leave you with a few pictures from Christmas and the snow. Enjoy!

Alomst 5 Months Already!

2010-12-18T14:51:00.000-05:00

It seems like yesterday I wrote that Isabella had arrived. And yet now, we are approaching the 5 month mark. In a mere 10 days, she will be 5 months old. Gosh, it seems so strange to say that! I have a 5 month old. Nope. Just seems too strange!

So let me catch you up on all that has been going on. At her 4-month check-up, Isabella was up to 13 pounds and she's almost 24 inches long. She's growing leaps and bounds. The pedi was very happy with her growth. She was so happy with Izzy's growth that we started solid foods last week. That's going okay. She doesn't like plain rice cereal very much, so today, we tried rice with apple. I didn't know they made flavored rice cereal. Isabella definitely liked it. We're hoping to start barley tomorrow and then oats in 5 days. After that, it's yellow and orange vegetables for her! I can't believe it.

Work is going well. I can't believe it's been two months since I went back. My parents are the greatest. They watch Isabella every day. I would love to stay home some days, but I do love my job teaching, so it is what it is. I can't afford to stay home anyway, so it's a good thing I like my job!

Isabella is still breastfed. Nursing is going well. I never thought I would enjoy nursing. I never wanted to nurse until it got closer to time for Isabella's birth. Sure, there are times when it would be much easier to just make a bottle and heat it up, but it's all part of being a Mommy. Isabella does take a bottle of formula, since my parents need to supplement. She is a pig. I pump at work. I generally get anywhere from 6 to 10 ounces pumped out at work and then I pump when I get home. Pumping is just oh such a beautiful thing. At least my ample milk supply has stayed steady.

Not too much else is going on. I'm going to post a few pictures of my beautiful little one. She just gets more beautiful as time goes on!

A Year of Rich Blessings

2010-11-27T19:47:00.000-05:00

A year has passed since we found out we were expecting little Isabella. And in that year, we have been so richly blessed. So I thought I would recap last year's Thanksgiving blessing and then make a short list of those blessings we are most thankful for in the past year.

So last year, Isabella was a plus sign on a pregnancy test Thanksgiving morning. So much to already be thankful for. And then she was a hormone surge that warranted a phone call from the fertility specialist where they referred to me as "Mommy." And then, she was a small spot on the ultrasound screen, then a small dot with a heartbeat. From all of that came Isabella Joy, the blessing we had awaited for, prayed for, longed for. And so, in the past year, the blessings have been innumerable. Here are just a few blessings we are thankful for.

♥ We are thankful for Isabella Joy entering our lives as a healthy, beautiful baby girl.
♥ We are thankful for God keeping me healthy in the scary last stages of pregnancy when we were afraid of pre-eclampsia.
♥ We are thankful for parents who, as Grandparents, are loving, patient, eager to help, and just amazing.
♥ We are thankful for family that continuously prayed for Isabella and continues to pray for her as she grows.
♥ We are thankful for friends who support us and encourage us as we learn to be good parents as Isabella continues to grow.
♥ We are thankful for Isabella's calm and relaxed demeanor. She's such a relaxed and peaceful baby, living up to her middle name-Joy-constantly.
♥ We are thankful for a baby who loves us, needs us, relies on us, and snuggles with us.
♥ We are thankful for a spouse who encourages, supports, prays for, loves, and enjoys the other.
♥ We are thankful for Isabella's Godparents, who love her and want her to grow up to love Jesus and follow His ways.

But most importantly, we are just thankful for Isabella. We are thankful for the addition of a child into our family. We desired her for so long. And although I was at a point where I was almost out of hope, my husband is strong and encouraged me. He knew that God had a blessing in store for us and so I held out hope for one more month. and in that month, God blessed us and our lives would never be the same again. It's been a year of rich blessings. God is so good and He so much deserves our praise and gratitude.

Reflections

2010-11-10T21:14:00.000-05:00

I am just amazed to reflect on the last year. So much has happened, changed, emerged, blossomed. A year ago today, I sat in a doctor's office having intrauterine insemination, knowing full well that there were four eggs just waiting to transform into a baby. I was fairly doubtful that anything would happen, since it had been such a quick and strange cycle. But I went in for the IUI anyway. I remember laying there, alone (Hubby couldn't come, it was a work day and he went to work), feeling so defeated. Never had I been more sure that getting pregnant wouldn't happen. So I just laid there, knees in the air, just going through the motions.

Fast forward a year and all those feelings of defeat have long since faded. Tonight, I sit here with Isabella fast asleep in my arms. I still have those memories of laying there in the doctor's office fresh in my mind. But my heart is overflowing with such joy and love for my precious little child.

She is truly a miracle. She is my blessing, my promise from God. Because of that, she was dedicated to God last Friday by Hubby's grandpa (Izzy's great grandpa). He is getting older and his memory fails him a lot, but there was something so youthful about holding Isabella. It's as though he was transported to a time long ago. He dedicated my precious child to the Lord and prayed over her. It was such a special experience. Last year at this time, I couldn't have even dreamed of all that has transpired. God is good! His blessings are overwhelming.

A Year Ago Yesterday

2010-11-03T14:56:00.000-04:00

This is my post from a year ago yesterday:

Dearest Aunt Flow decided to visit today. It's about time she got here. She's been standing at the door for like 3 days now but just wasn't ready for a visit. How annoying! Everything is run on her time.

Anyway. I made my appointment for baselines. I go in Thursday morning. Hopefully, that lovely cyst has run its course and is out of my body. It's on to injectables, big time. Part of me is worried that I'll have to do another cycle of bcp. I'm worried about my estrogen levels. But I'm really worried about my FSH levels. They were high last time and high estrogen is supposed to suppress estrogen levels. Ugh...I guess only time will tell what lies in waiting.

I have a fresh look on it all. Today is a new day. Today starts a fresh cycle. If my bloodwork and ultrasound are no good, I'll do another cycle of bcp. It's okay, I have to have peace about whatever my body brings my way. In the meantime, I have a huge box full of medication plus more meds in the fridge just waiting to be used. And I have an egg somewhere in my ovaries just waiting to turn into a darling baby.

I gave my ovaries a pep talk this morning. I had to make sure they were on the same page as I was. They are the boss of my cycle and they need to know what the proper directions are. Plus, I may as well coach them on how to behave. They've been misbehaving since the beginning of it all. It's time they get themselves under control! We'll see if they can behave on Thursday.

It is just amazing for me to read that and see how far I've come and how richly I've been blessed with Isabella. Last year at this time, I was getting ready to start my injections. I was so scared of it. I was doubtful of this working. I felt as though all my hope was drained out of me. I was growing weary of all the fertility treatments. And when my new cycle started a year ago, I was filled with new hope. That hope only came from God. He gave me a renewed hope. He alone knew that my prayers for a child would be answered that cycle. I am so thankful for everything I went through. I'm thankful for the pain of failed cycles. I'm thankful for the lessons in patience and trust. I'm thankful for the lessons in stepping out in faith. I'm thankful for the bumps in the road, the long journey, the trials along the way. It isn't just the outcome that makes us blessed, it is the journey to get there. Yes, it was hard. Yes, I almost gave up hope. Yes, it made me feel broken, empty, useless. But at the same time, yes, it strengthened my faith. Yes, it taught me more reliance on God. Yes, it strengthened my marriage. A year makes so much difference. And I'm just so thankful for the blessings of the past year. Rereading my post from last year makes me appreciate my precious miracle even more.

Snuggle Time

2010-10-07T12:09:00.000-04:00

I have been such a slacker with posting! But Isabella is a little snuggler and doesn't give me much of a moment to wrote a long post. In fact, she's snuggling with me right now, but somehow, I have managed to position her in a way that both of my hands are free.

So it's been ten weeks (as of yesterday) since Isabella entered this world and forever changed my life. My heart is still overflowing with emotions. The love I have for her is unexplainable. I knew love my whole life. My mother's love for me was and is one of the greatest things. I knew love when I met my husband. But nothing prepares your heart for the amount of love you will feel when you have a child. She has changed my life, changed my future, changed my marriage (in the best way possible, of course!). I just love Isabella beyond words, beyond expressions, and beyond anything I could even try to explain.

We've enjoyed our time at home bonding. She loves to cuddle and snuggle and I love to cuddle and snuggle with her. Sadly, I have to return to work soon. I am excited to return to my classroom. I do miss my students and my passion for teaching. But a part of my heart will be breaking when I can't spend my days with my precious little one. These past two months have been one of the most amazing times of my life. We've bonded so much and I am so thrilled that I had that time with her. My parents will start watching her Tuesday while I make the hard transition from being a temporary stay at home Mom back to being a teacher. Everything will be all new now, though. Teacher by day, Mom 24 hours a day. It will be an adventure, to say the very least! Bring on the adventure, I need to get used to life continuing, even if I want to freeze time.

Two Months Already!

2010-09-27T22:18:00.000-04:00

I can hardly believe that it has already been two months since Isabella entered my world. I could not be more in love with her. She is just the most amazing addition to my life. Being a mom is not always easy. I get frustrated sometimes with not being able to get everything done around the apartment that should get done. But at the end of the day, spending time with little Izzy is more important than laundry, dishes, and straightening things up around here. She is doing great. She loves being attached to mommy's bosom. We tried to introduce formula tonight, but she wants nothing to do with it. We need to start supplementing because I go back to work in three weeks and there is no way I can pump enough to keep up with her eating habits. Once she starts to eat even more, I'd need to pump more than I have time to do as a teacher. So we tried and tonight, it failed. She wants nothing to do with it. Tomorrow, I'll just use 2 ounces of breast milk with a half scoop of the formula and see if that makes a difference.
Over the weekend, we went down to Maryland to see Hubby's side of the family. Grandma Pat was so excited to see her granddaughter again. Isabella even had a little outfit that said "Off to Grandma's." Since my mom and stepdad will be watching her when I go back to work, I want to make her visits with Hubby's mom special. We had a great time. We went to a farm that had a crazy corn maze. So we went through the maze. I don't think I would have made it through without Hubby. He is a human GPS. He looked at the map/aerial view once and knew his way around. I am certainly not that good with directions and Isabella won't be, either. She couldn't even figure out how to get out of the womb without being chopped out!

We also had the privilege of having more pictures taken of our little family. Our good friend, Doreen, is a professional photographer and she did our wedding pictures seven long years ago. She wanted to do maternity pictures for me but we could never coordinate our schedules. So she was so excited to get her camera on Isabella. Here is a small sampling of Isabella's two month pictures.


Aunt Olivia


Grandma Pat

Time Really Flies!

2010-09-17T10:02:00.000-04:00

I realize I've been absent from the blogging world a lot more lately. But it's not without good reason. Isabella definitely keeps me busy. She wants to be held, cuddled, bounced, and played with all the time. Since I go back to work in a month, I've been enjoying every ounce of my time with her. She is changing and growing so quickly and I don't want to miss a thing!

I sent a birth announcement to my fertility specialist for their dreaded baby wall. My opinion about the baby wall has changed since having Isabella. I used to despise that wall. There was nothing more evil and hated than that baby wall. Yet now, I have come to terms with its purpose somewhere like a fertility clinic. When I was going through all the fertility treatments, the last thing I had wanted to see was everyone's babies staring down at me knowing I didn't have anything to add to the wall. I went through all the same emotions at the OBGYN office. Yet now, especially at the fertility specialist, I have come to see the hope it can offer to those in the middle of the battle. I didn't want to see it as hope when I was going through all that I went through to conceive Isabella. I wanted to see it as something I would never experience, a painful reminder of all my body's issues. I'm so blessed to have added a picture to the baby wall and I am so thankful for that wall being there. I was so negative towards that wall but it really is the wall of hope. It is the evidence that the fertility treatments work at some point, that it's not all in vain.

There's not a whole lot of interesting things going on. Isabella is growing and growing. She probably weighs 9 or 10 pounds now. Her next Well Baby check up is October 6th. So we'll find out how much she weighs then. She is wearing 0-3 month clothes. She's got short little legs and a pudgy belly. Too cute. I'll attach a few pictures to this post.

I went shopping for her the other day at Carters. Between my mom and me, we spent $130 on $400 worth of fall clothes. I haven't even thought about getting 3-6 month clothes. She does need those, but 0-3 month clothes was the first need. We'll get the 3-6 month clothes in a month. We're headed out to the Pittsburgh area for a wedding Columbus Day weekend and there's a Carters outlet out there. So we'll make a nice shopping visit then. A baby girl needs to be dressed well for the season, you know!

So, I have to say that I still find it so unbelievable that I'm blogging about a baby. A baby that is here. A baby that knows me as "Mom." A baby that is my very own. I still know the emotions of thinking this would never happen for me, that I would never be able to conceive. It still feels like yesterday when I, following doctor's orders, took a pregnancy test on Thanksgiving 2009 and watched it show up positive. It still feels like yesterday when we first saw Isabella on an ultrasound at the fertility specialist. I don't think I have ever experienced the joy of seeing a small dot on the monitor. And then to hear her heartbeat a week later, such a sweet sound. Feels like yesterday that I felt all those emotions. And yet, seven weeks and two days ago, I had a c-section and met my precious daughter face to face. Even that feels like just yesterday. Time flies!

That's about it from this end. I'm just enjoying a quiet Friday morning at home with Isabella. She's asleep on my chest right now. It's one of her most favorite places to be.

One Month Pictures

2010-09-01T13:43:00.000-04:00

Saturday August 28th was Isabella's one month celebration. We had one month pictures done and they turned out fantastic! I still cannot believe that I have held Isabella in my arms for 5 weeks now. 5 weeks ago exactly (to the exact time of 1:27pm), I was in the c-section operating room waiting to meet my little princess. At 1:35 on that day, my world was forever changed by the little child that has defined my life for the past 5 weeks. I still feel like that day was yesterday. I feel like I just walked in to the hospital carrying my bags up to the 3rd floor, Labor and Delivery.

I've recovered well from my c-section. I can go on nice long evening walks with Hubby and the dog. Isabella likes to go on those walks. Most of the time, she stays awake and looks at everything around her that she can see. If I strap her into the Baby Bjorn, she sleeps. It feels good to be able to get up, go on a walk, enjoy life again. All that bed rest before Isabella's arrival had me stuck on the couch trying to enjoy life from inside my apartment. I'm so glad my recovery has been going well. As of my 4-week postpartum checkup, I had lost 20 of my 30 pregnancy pounds. Hopefully, carrying around a growing baby and going on nice walks (and breast feeding, of course) will help speed up the weight loss of the rest of the baby weight.

Okay, so back to the purpose of this post: the one month pictures. I wanted to share some of those pictures with all of you. They came out fantastic. Isabella is going to break a lot of boys' hearts when she is older!

Four Weeks Already?!

2010-08-24T10:41:00.000-04:00

Tomorrow marks the 4-week birthday of my little Isabella. It's so hard to believe that's it been four weeks already. She really has become life as I know it. What life was like before her is a distant memory. She fills my days with more smiles and laughter than before. She fills her Daddy's day with joy and sunshine. She really brightens any day, no matter what is going on. She make all the fertility treatments so worth it.

Speaking of fertility specialist, I still need to send her birth announcements out to most people. I can't wait to send one to the fertility specialist for the baby wall...the wall I despised when I was on the other side of the journey. All those times looking at the baby wall...they were torture! And now, I can add a picture to the baby wall. My perspective on the wall has changed. Instead of despising it, I have realized that it should give hope to those still in the process of fertility treatments. It's just so exciting to know that I can add a picture to that wall because my little Isabella is here. I have so much to be thankful for and I owe so much thanks and gratitude to Dr. V. He really is an amazing doctor who not only was able to figure out what was wrong with my body, but he was also able to find something to help me conceive. Little Isabella needs to meet him one day!

Anyway, I'm rambling. I'll post something more personal later to tell you all how Mommyhood is going and how Baby Isabella is doing. In the meantime, here are some pictures to enjoy.

What a Difference Three Years Makes!

2010-08-18T13:15:00.001-04:00

Three years ago this month, Hubby and I decided we were ready to start a family. So we prayed long and hard about what God would have us do. When you give your life to serve the Lord, you never want to do something that you feel He would not have you do. So we prayed about it and waited on an answer before doing anything else. Hubby and I both felt strongly that God had answered our prayer by telling us it was time to start a family, so I went off my birth control pill, praying that my irregular cycles would be a thing of the past. We had no idea what the road ahead of us would offer, we just knew that God had promised us a child when we had prayed about starting a family.

Three years later, after a long battle with infertility and nine months of carrying around our precious cargo, our promised child has been here for three weeks. We are so blessed to have Isabella in our lives. She has brought so much change for us in so many good ways. Life is no longer about ourselves, it is about our daughter. It's still so strange to say those words, "our daughter." I waited so long to be able to say those words and yet, they still seem foreign.

For those of you reading my blog who are in the midst of a difficult battle with infertility, take my word for it, the battle is worth it. I wouldn't trade my journey for an easier time. I think it helped me to appreciate even more the life that is in my arms. It made me appreciate the blessing of God's promise more than if it had just been an easy road for me. My journey took three years from beginning to new life. Sure, it's not as long as the journey is for some women, but it certainly wasn't a short journey. If you're still on the journey, hang in there. Keep your head held high. Be patient. wait on the Lord. Be encouraged.

Life as a New Mom

2010-08-10T14:19:00.001-04:00

So I know it's been two weeks since I posted, so I wanted to get caught up on here. Life is finally settling down from all the excitement that surrounds the arrival of a baby. Isabella is such a blessing and a joy. There are no words to describe how it feels being a mom at last. I have prayed for and waited for this day for years. God granted me my request and it's just amazing.

I won't lie, it hasn't been the easiest two weeks. I'm still recovering from my c-section. Recovery hasn't been too bad, but there are still things I have problems doing, like bending over to pick something up. It's frustrating because I want to do all the things I haven't been able to do and there are still limitations. I can't drive for another two weeks and I can't carry anything heavier than Isabella for another two weeks. So I can carry her, but if we go out, Hubby has to carry her in her carrier. I am not allowed. Ugh...so frustrating!

I've somehow adjusted to the sleep pattern of a new mom. Isabella is not formula fed and she's gaining steady weight, so there's no need to supplement with the formula. She's solely breast fed, so my sleep schedule is so different from Hubby's. He's great, though, he does get up with me for most feedings. He keeps me awake. That's love right there. Last night, he gave her a bottle of pumped milk for one of her feedings because I had already been up for almost two hours with her doing cluster feeding and not wanting to sleep.

I have no complaints. Honestly, I didn't think someone could enjoy changing poopy diapers and having a 24-hour milk machine, but it makes life more wonderful. Isabella gives life new meaning and purpose. She makes me realize that not only am I a woman, but now, I am a mom. I am someone she loves, needs, and depends on, even at only two weeks old. All the full night's sleep in the world couldn't be better than holding her and knowing that she is a gift from God for Hubby and me.

Isabella Joy

2010-07-31T10:23:00.000-04:00

Hi, everyone! Sorry I haven't been on here to post, but life with a newborn at the hospital (with lots of visitors during the day) sure keeps you from doing those things!

Isabella Joy arrived Wednesday afternoon at 1:35. I was scheduled for a c-section at 1pm that day because she was breech. They did an ultrasound an hour before surgery to check her position and she somehow had wiggled herself head down. But when the obstetrician made the incision in so he could reach her head, she had moved again. She was in a diagonal position and dodged his attempts to pull her out. She's a pistol!! He had to make an extra cut into my uterus in order to get her to come out. All that means is that my next child will HAVE to be a c-section baby because of possible rupture to the uterus if I went into natural labor. The doctor said when she first came out of the womb, she looked around with a disgusted look on her face because she didn't know where she was. Then, when she realized she wasn't going back into the womb, she cried. It's the most beautiful sound there could ever be in the entire world. I couldn't see her, since I was on the other side of the surgery sheet. But that noise...beautiful. I cried. Seriously. And then, after she was cleaned, I got to see her. I didn't hold her until I was in the recovery room. It has been an amazing experience. Surgery itself hasn't been fun, I'll admit that. But having my precious Isabella is wonderful. I'll write more later about the surgery itself and the recovery process here at the hospital. Right now, I'm just waiting to be discharged. Here are a few pictures to enjoy of my beautiful blessing.

Last Update/Quiz Before Isabella's Arrival

2010-07-25T17:53:00.000-04:00

Symptoms: *Heartburn (yes, it's still here. I sleep with two pillows so that my head is propped up), *frequent potty trips (I guess my bladder is preparing me for feedings every three hours), *stretch marks, *tiredness (I ♥ my naps), *lots of baby movement, *random nausea

Total weight gain: 30 lbs as of my last OB appointment. No more appointments left until after my c-section...

Maternity clothes: I'm just bumming it when I'm at home. I wear comfy crops with a tank top. But I can still get away with wearing non-maternity shirts and dresses!

Stretch marks: They are seriously not my friends. They look like fire on my belly. Hubby calls them "Diablo."

Sleep: Sleep hasn't been the best thing. It takes so much effort to toss and turn. I'm up every few hours for a potty break. Last night, I had horrible knee pain in the middle of the night. So sleep isn't too great. I guess it's preparing me for life with a child.

Best moment this week: Being able to count down the days until Isabella's birth on one hand.

Movement: Tons. It's like an alien living in my belly.

Food cravings: Chocolate. Weird, I know, since I haven't craved it at all throughout the entire pregnancy. But I've been wanting chocolate for the last week.

Belly Button in or out: It's a halfy. It's half in and it's half out. If I do something like blow my nose, it sticks out a little more.

What I miss: Being able to walk up a flight of stairs without losing my breath or feeling like my knees are my arch enemies.

What I am looking forward to: Isabella's arrival on Wednesday.

Milestones: Having my last prenatal checkup with the obstetrician. It really makes it real that Isabella is arriving this week!

How is daddy? He's really excited, but he's also very nervous. He's like a little kid going on an exciting trip. he doesn't sleep well at night. He hasn't had a big appetite. He's excited but super nervous.

How are the grandparents? They are SOOOO excited. There are no words to describe their amount of excitement.

Here's the last of my belly pictures...next picture I post should be of Isabella!

Only a Week to Go!

2010-07-20T10:49:00.000-04:00

It's so hard to believe that there is only one week to go before I meet my sweet Isabella Joy. In anticipation of her arrival soon, Hubby write her a beautiful letter that I added to my other blog, Letters to My Unborn Daughter. I cried when I read it. It's beautiful. I wrote her another letter, too, as I wait so anxiously for this next week to pass. It is still so surreal that I am finally in the place where I am waiting for my child's arrival instead of waiting for an egg to grow or an egg to ovulate. It's been quite a journey getting here! But I have come to the realization that I am so thankful for every ounce of strife on that journey. All my tears? They were worth the joy of waiting for this child. All my fears? They were worth working through to get to this point. I'm thankful for the blessing of the long journey. It's through my journey that I can encourage others who are walking on a similar road. I had the same encouragement along my journey and I will never forget how powerful it is to have someone walk with you who has been in similar shoes.

Hubby is anxiously awaiting the arrival of his little princess, too. He's more worried about me post baby's arrival, since we are scheduled for a c-section. Here's the latest on my wiggle worm. She is breech. My amniotic fluid levels are now within the normal range instead of being so high. Although that is GREAT news, it means she has less room to move around. That means she has less of a chance to get into a head-down position at this point. I'm okay with that. God has been good to me through the past month. I did another pre-eclampsia test (24-hour urine collection) and my results totally rocked! They were spectacular. I am still shocked by the great news. I had settled myself with the fact that I most likely had failed and would be having a c-section this week. But that was not God's plan for us. So next Wednesday, the 28th, Isabella will arrive into this world unless she has a time line nobody knows about and chooses to show up earlier.

There's not much else going on. I'm still on bed rest, so there's no nesting going on. I'm a bit bummed about this, but Hubby has been doing all the nesting. He's been a great partner and best friend through all of this. He's my encouragement on the days where I feel so useless. He cleans, he cooks, he set up the nursery. Me? I sit on the couch or a lay down. That's all I'm allowed to do. It gets frustrating, as I feel like I am not tending to the needs of him through all of this. But he's always so encouraging and reminds me that it's because of strictly limiting my activities that Isabella has been doing so well and is staying in as long as possible. He reminds me that keeping the baby in the womb longer is far from useless. He's such a great husband. I am so blessed to have him.

I'm going to go for now. I've got a case of the munchies, so I'm going to eat some grapes and maybe one of my cheapie freezer pops.

36 Weeks 6 Days Update

2010-07-13T08:38:00.001-04:00

How far along: 36 weeks 6 days

Symptoms: *Heartburn (ugh...I thought it was getting better, but in the past week, it has made an appearance in the middle of the night, so sleeping is not the BEST thing ever right now), *frequent potty trips (I'm back to getting up in the middle of the night again), *stretch marks, *tiredness (I ♥ my naps), *lots of baby movement, *random nausea

Total weight gain: 25 lbs as of my last OB appointment. Next appointment is Thursday.

Maternity clothes: I'm still loving my dresses. But since I've been in basic bed rest, I don't wear them unless I'm going on. I just sit around in a nursing sleep bra, tank top, and maternity workout capris. I'm comfy, so I can't complain. But when I go out, I do make myself look much cuter.

Stretch marks: Oddly enough, they run a circle around my belly button. They are nowhere else other than the center of my belly. And they itch like crazy!

Sleep: Sleep hasn't been the best thing ever as of late. It is quite a task to roll over in the middle of the night. Whenever Isabella is breech, my back hurts, even in the middle of the night. I've been up to pee at least once, usually twice in the middle of the night. And my heartburn is out of control, so I have to sleep with my head propped up a bit, which is not comfortable. Not much longer, though...

Best moment this week: Knowing that tomorrow will be the 37-week mark, which makes Isabella "full term!" Nothing is better than that, especially with all the adventures in the past few weeks. Of course, still not having pre-eclampsia (when all the doctors swore I would end up with it) definitely helped me reach that milestone.

Movement: Tons. The problem is that she is still a bit small and I have a lot of amniotic fluid. So she has PLENTY of space to move around. She was head down on Friday (which she should be by now!) and now she's head UP. Yep. She kicks me a lot and punches me, too. And as she gets bigger, I can't say that it's always enjoyable.

Food cravings: Salads, fruit, and cereal. Oh, and oddly enough, mozzarella sticks with yummy marinara sauce. Yum! Still nothing sweet, I have no sweet tooth. It randomly died when I got pregnant.

Belly Button in or out: It's still mostly an inny, but it changes whenever Izzy repositions herself. It was starting to pop out when she was head down for the weekend and then she flipped. So now it's back to trying to pop out. Hubby still thinks that it will pop just in time for the baby to come.

What I miss: Being able to do things around the apartment like clean, cook, and play with the dog. Since I'm on bed rest, I'm not allowed to do any of that. It can get very frustrating.

What I am looking forward to: Isabella's arrival sometime within the next few weeks.

Milestones: Reaching the 37-week mark tomorrow.

How is daddy?He's really excited, but he's also very nervous.These past few weeks have proven that you just never know what is going to happen. This child has a mind of her own and she brings the drama. But somehow, he stays calm through all the stressful moments.

How are the grandparents? They are SOOOO excited. There's not much longer left until they get to hold her, so they are thrilled.

Here are my latest pictures for you to enjoy. These are from 36 weeks 4 days.

Adventures in the Homestretch

2010-07-08T11:30:00.000-04:00

IIt's so hard to believe that I am in the homestretch here. Only 4 more weeks to go at the most...if I make it to that. This last month has been quite the adventure with all the Maternal Fetal Medicine appointments, pre-eclampsia testing, fetal monitoring, and talk of early inductions. Whew...what a journey! I was really afraid Isabella was going to arrive a week and a half ago, when they first started talking about inducing me. Thankfully, I passed all the pre-eclampsia testing and there was no reason for her to come out. Since that time, things have settled down a little bit. Thankfully, as interesting as the journey has been, the stress of it has decreased.

I had one of my bi-weekly non-stress tests on Tuesday. Isabella was doing fine. They also did a growth scan. Thankfully, she has grown at a steady rate and is no longer in the bottom 5th percentile. She's still small, measuring in at 5lbs 1oz. This puts her around the 10th percentile. Maternal Fetal Medicine is happy with her measurements now, since she has shown quite adequate growth. The newest issue (see, there's always some adventure) is that she's not breech but she's not head down. She's "transverse." So she's resting her head at my right hip while kicking me by my left rib cage. Not comfortable and not safe for her. My amniotic fluid level is quite elevated at 26, which isn't reason to induce me, but it is reason for concern if I start having contractions. I haven't had any contractions of any kind that I know of, not even Braxton Hicks. My cervix today was still hard, high, and at most, a fingertip dilated. So hopefully, MFM won't be too worried. They talked about hospitalizing me if my cervix started to soften, thin out, and dilate. The concern is that with the baby's position and the amount of fluid I have, if my water breaks on it's own, the umbilical cord could threaten Isabella's safety. That's the latest of the adventures.

The nursery is all ready for baby to arrive. I'll post some pictures of it. Hubby did a great job getting everything together. Since I'm really not allowed to do anything, he had to do the majority of the work. I helped by sitting on the glider telling him where to put things. But he really enjoyed getting Isabella's room together. I'm so excited about it!

I was sort of challenged to take a picture of myself in a bathing suit with my bare belly exposed. So I did. I'll be bold and post them on here, stretch marks and all. I'll also post my latest bump picture (from Sunday). Enjoy!!

The Nursery

My bare (and quite round) belly

The latest bump shots from Sunday (July 4th)

God is Good!!

2010-06-29T14:45:00.000-04:00

I saw Maternal Fetal Medicine today for my normal Tuesday appointment with a fetal non-stress test and dopplers to check blood flow to Isabella's brain and internal organs. I must admit that I was very nervous and a bit shaken after my appointment with them on Friday. I had the same doctor today that I had on Friday. I didn't like him on Friday. I told him that today and he got a bit of a chuckle out of it. I have a much different opinion today. He was glad to see me and glad to tell me that all my pre-eclampsia testing was, in fact, NEGATIVE. So he thinks there's no reason Isabella can't stay in until at least 37 weeks. All that could change after my next growth ultrasound, but I'm prepared for that. I knew that there is still a chance she would need to come before "full term." If she can make it to 37 weeks, she'll be a full term baby. That's my hope. And he seemed to think she should be able to do that. But there's no way to be sure about that until the growth scan. If she's above the 5th percentile, she can stay in longer and won't be considered an IUGR (intrauterine growth restriction) baby. If she's under the 5th percentile but showed adequate progress from the last growth scan on the 15th, they'll let her bake another week. But, if she is under the 5th percentile AND hasn't showed adequate growth, she would need to come out for her own health and well being. I'm prepared for anything at this point. It's not in my control, it's definitely in God's hands. I'm so thankful for everyone's prayers, I truly believe that those prayers carried me through my appointment today. I'm still pregnant for at least another week. YAY! That's my good news, God certainly is good.

On a sad note, though, a blogger friend who was a little over halfway through her pregnancy had her whole world come crumbling down this weekend. Rebecca from The Road Less Traveled unfortunately went into pre-term labor and lost her baby girl right after birth. My heart just aches for her and her family. There are no words to make someone in her shoes feel less pain. It is, I'm sure, an unbearable pain. Please pray for her and her husband as they prepare to say their final goodbye to the baby they won't get to enjoy and watch grow across the years. I know that God has a plan for everyone's life and there is a reason why He allowed this to happen to her at this point in her life. But I have an unspeakable heaviness on my heart for Rebecca. Please take the time to read her blog entry about her loss and offer her some encouragement and prayers.

It May Be An Early Delivery

2010-06-27T16:34:00.000-04:00

I have had a rough weekend, to say the least. Last week, I spent another few hours in Labor and Delivery having testing done for pre-eclampsia. I again passed the tests leaving my doctors scratching their heads. So I was sent home to do a 24-hour urine collection. I also went home being told that I had a urinary tract infection and given an antibiotic for it. So I did the collection Wednesday into Thursday and the results weren't the greatest. In order to avoid pre-eclampsia, I have to keep my protein numbers below 300mg across 24 hours. Not that I have any control over how much protein is spilled out of my kidneys...Well, needless to say, that test yielded 377mg of protein, so the beginnings of pre-e or mild toxemia. Scary stuff. But I mentioned to my OB about the UTI (it was another doctor from the office who treated me in L&D) and he the questioned the accuracy of my 24-hour urine. Apparently, a UTI can spill extra protein into the urine.

So I went to Maternal Fetal Medicine on Friday morning for my twice weekly fetal Non-Stress Test and the doctor there so nicely informed me that I should deliver my baby that day. Yes, seriously, he suggested an immediate delivery. He even called my OB. My OB disagreed and to compromise and come to an agreement they all could live with, they put me in the hospital for the night. I did another 24-hour urine collection in the hospital and was monitored closely. I was NOT in Labor and Delivery, though, since they felt it unnecessary to monitor me as closely as the women in there. So I was in the Mommy/Baby Unit.

My OB told me very bluntly that if my protein this time around was over 300mg, he would induce me today and I would deliver Isabella on Monday (tomorrow). So during my lovely stay, I had my blood pressure checked every four hours, they checked the baby's heartbeat at the same time. They weighed me Friday night and then again on Saturday to make sure there was no sudden weight gain, as is common with pre-e. Nope. I actually lose a pound somehow. No swelling, no headaches, no spots before my eyes, nothing. This was the point of being there, to rule out pre-eclampsia and make sure Isabella didn't need to be delivered right away.

So last night, after 9pm, they told me I could go home. My protein is pushing close to the 300mg mark, though, and that makes me nervous. I have to make an appointment tomorrow to meet with my doctor tomorrow. I don't know what he's going to say other than I imagine we're going to talk about how much longer I can keep going with this pregnancy before Isabella needs to come out. I'm hoping he will agree to two more weeks. Take her out in two weeks, that's only a few days shy of full-term. I can deal with that. We shall see what he says. But almost 100% guaranteed, Isabella will be here before August 4th. She'll arrive in July, it's just a matter of when. I'll keep you all posted!

Watched Like a Hawk

2010-06-22T10:34:00.000-04:00

Hi, those of you visiting for ICLW! If you look back at my November posts, you can see where this pregnancy journey started. It's been an amazing adventure thus far. With only six weeks or less to go, I'm hoping it continues to be an amazing adventure. There certainly is no shortage of excitement and drama!

I have chronic hypertension. I've had it for at least three years. It makes being pregnant interesting. Although I'm not high-risk in that I don't have pre-eclampsia, they are watching me like a hawk to make sure it doesn't develop over the next month. My blood pressure has been good (praise the Lord!). I am now going for bi-weekly fetal non-stress tests (NST) and once weekly doppler scans to measure blood flow to Isabella Joy's brain and also measure my amniotic fluid. So far, everything has been good. But being watched like a hawk like this can be very stressful.

We took our official tour of the Labor & Delivery floor of the hospital on Saturday. Makes it that much more real. I can't believe how time just flies by. We scheduled a Labor/Childbirthing class for July. I know it's pushing it really close, but that was the only class that was open. So we had to do it. The good news is that if something happens while we are there, we'll be at the hospital already. The bad news is that if Isabella decides to come much earlier than intended, the class won't do any good for me. We'll see what happens. I'm praying she makes it until the end of July. The obstetricians at my office won't let her stay in there past August 4th, though. It will exciting and interesting to see when she comes.

There's nothing else new going on. I've got TONS of baby laundry that I've been working on. I spend most of the day with my feet up (doctor's request). But I do work on Isabella's laundry and her room when I can. I also make trips to the store to pick things up. Thankfully, we have almost everything we need. I still need to get more diapers and wipes, but we have some to start out with. Can't believe I'll get to hold my miracle in a month or so...

Here's my latest of the weekly pictures.

32 Weeks 6 Days Update

2010-06-15T10:06:00.000-04:00

How far along: 32 weeks 6 days

Symptoms: Heartburn (ugh...), frequent potty trips, heavy/achy boobs, stretch marks, tiredness, lots of baby movement, random nausea

Total weight gain: 19 lbs as of my last OB appointment. Next appointment is Friday.

Maternity clothes: I'm loving my dresses. Okay, so half of them aren't maternity, they still work and I love them, especially my long ones. I need to get some shorts, I only have two pairs. And I got a taste of how hot it is going to be (it was nasty over the weekend!), so I definitely need a few more pairs.

Stretch marks: They are my mark of the journey. I use Palmers massage lotion for stretch marks, but I still have them and they are bad. But they are only on my belly, so I'm thankful for that.

Sleep: Although I am still sleeping through most of the night, I am getting up before the alarm for a potty trip. I don't sleep the best every night. My sleep habits are very inconsistent. I sleep well for two nights and then I toss and turn for a night or two. I'm hoping to enjoy the last 7 weeks of sound sleep...

Best moment this week: Being told by my OB that he truly believes I'll make it all the way to the 40-week mark, even with the chronic hypertension. I had Pre-eclampsia blood work done the past Thursday and (praise the Lord) it was negative. So I'm chugging along just as I should.

Movement: Tons. My placenta has moved further up, so last week, she started punching me near my ribs. She's still breech, though, so she's not kicking me in the ribs, thankfully!

Food cravings: Salads, fruit, and cereal (not just any cereal. Multigrain Cheerios with fresh banana slices!). Yum! Still nothing sweet, I have no sweet tooth. It randomly died when I got pregnant.

Belly Button in or out: It's still an inny, but I think part of it is starting to turn itself out. I guess we'll see. Hubby thinks that it will pop just in time for the baby to come.

What I miss: Being able to paint my own toe nails or put on socks. I can't really reach to do that.

What I am looking forward to: Today's appointment with the MFM. I have another non-stress test and a growth scan. So I'm looking forward to seeing Isabella again. Hubby can't come, so my mom gets to see Isabella on the ultrasound monitor.

Milestones: Starting the non-stress tests. It means I really am almost ready to hold my baby girl in my arms!

How is daddy? He's really excited, but he's also very nervous. He's especially nervous about my health. Spending a few hours in Labor and Delivery last week made him realize how scary it can be when my blood pressure suddenly goes up. It's been fine lately, though. I take it at least 5 times a day.

How are the grandparents? They are getting more and more excited. This grandchild is long awaited. After all the hard work that went into conceiving her, the joy of being so close to holding her is hard to contain!

Here are my latest pictures of my belly. These were taken on Sunday at 32 Weeks 4 Days. Enjoy!

Doctor Ordered Couch Rest

2010-06-10T15:54:00.000-04:00

It's been quite a day. I started my weekly non-stress tests today. This is already not my idea of a good time. But it is what it is, my OB wants me to do these once a week. Baby Girl cooperated fine for the non-stress test once they gave me some sugar to get her bouncing around. In fact, she passed with flying colors. Me, on the other hand, well, my blood pressure was 150/84. My OB would have said "go home and take it easy, then take it again." But that's not how these doctors do things. They don't play around. They sent me straight up to Labor and Delivery for pre-eclampsia blood work. My bloodwork was GREAT. There was no protein in my urine, either. But after three and a half hours there, they got great readings on my bp when I laid down and not so great readings when I was sitting up. So I am on "modified bed rest" otherwise known as "couch rest." Basically, this means I can't finish out the school year. There are only 6 days remaining, but he thinks I need to take it easy because I do get myself so worked up over these little things. He said I'm fine, there's no pre-eclampsia, no reason to repeat a 24-hour urine, and no reason to admit me for hospital bed rest. So I'm home and in a miserable mood. I have so much to get done in my classroom and now, I have to rely on other people to do it and I HATE that. So that's what's new with me. My doctor wants me to take off from work tomorrow, Monday and Tuesday. Then, I have to see what the MFM says Tuesday at my next appointment for a non-stress test. I wish I didn't have white coat syndrome. I got home from the hospital and took my bp and it is 122/86. Yep. But they don't care about White Coat Syndrome. I guess we'll wait and see what the doctors say Tuesday night to know if I can finish the last three days of the school year. It's just lovely. If only I knew how to de-stress myself at a doctor's office...

It Just Keeps Getting Better!

2010-06-07T20:38:00.000-04:00

There's something to be said about this pregnancy journey and that is that it just keeps getting better. I only have two months left in this chapter. But it's just amazing. Every day has new experiences to offer. I know it's been a while since I posted, but I've just been so busy with the end of the school year wrapping up (9 days left!) and just a lot going on to get ready for Isabella Joy.

Lately, my back has been in so much pain. It's not my lower back, it's not my upper back. It's my right side of my mid-back. Strange, right? Well, it has gotten so bad that Saturday and Sunday nights, I was in tears because the pain was so much. There wasn't anything I could do for it. Hubby tried to massage it, didn't help. Last night, I put my Chilly Bear/Feel Better Bear on my back after Hubby microwaved it. Yesterday, though, I did break down and buy a maternity support belt (made by Loving Comfort) for $40. I wore it throughout the work day today and WOW! It made quite a difference for me! I'm hoping it will be the solution, at least for most of the pain.

Saturday, my friends and family had a surprise shower for me. My friend Amanda planned it all and with the help of a few of my other college friends, threw a beautiful afternoon shower. It couldn't have been better for my mom. She's had a lot of pain from a pinched nerve in her neck. She had an epidural for it on Thursday. So to know that other people were planning it was a big burden lifted off her shoulders. I sort of suspected the shower, but I don't like surprises and therefore, I was trying to figure out when it would be. So I knew it was going to be this past weekend. What I didn't know was that my sister flew up from Florida to surprise me. So it was a wonderful shower. My friends and family took good care of Isabella Joy. I couldn't ask for better people to be surrounded by and supported by.

Today, Hubby and I had the experience of getting a 3D/4D ultrasound. It was AMAZING! It also explained why my back hurts so much. Isabella Joy was laying as far to the right of my womb as she could wedge herself. To add to it, she had her leg all the way over her head. The ultrasound tech really wanted to get a clear picture of her face, she she had my lay on my left side, since Baby Girl is on my right side. Well, when she jiggled the wand to get her to move, Baby Girl gave us all the dirtiest look there could ever be. What a diva! I'm going to have my hands full with her!

Here are a few pictures from today. Hope you enjoy them!

30 Weeks 3 Days Update/Quiz

2010-05-29T09:26:00.001-04:00

How far along: 30 weeks 3 days

Symptoms: Heartburn, frequent potty trips, stretch marks, tiredness, lots of baby movement

Total weight gain: 16 lbs as of my last OB appointment. Next appointment is Thursday.

Maternity clothes: I'm loving my dresses. Okay, so half of them aren't maternity, they still work and I love them, especially my long ones.

Stretch marks: My stretch marks are having babies of their own. They multiply like bunnies. But it's only below my belly button and all in a line. I use my cocoa butter, but those darn stretch marks have no shame. They keep multiplying!

Sleep: Although I am still sleeping through most of the night, I am getting up before the alarm for a potty trip. So I know those "up all night because of potty trips" days are coming back. Lately, the new thing to wake me up at night is when I roll over. I'll roll over to my other side and this child of mine kicks me so hard because I woke her up. This happens EVERY night, EVERY time I change sides.

Best moment this week: Baby Girl kicked my Sister-in-Law in the head last Friday. It took some poking and prodding to get her riled up, but sure enough, she got moving and WHAM! She kicked O. right in the head. O. loved it.

Movement: Tons. I'm now thinking she's training already to be an Olympic star.

Food cravings: Salads, fruit, and cereal (not just any cereal. Multigrain Cheerios with fresh banana slices!). Yum!

Belly Button in or out: It's still an inny, but it's getting more and more shallow. I think it will eventually just be flat like a pancake. It feels SO strange, though. So maybe it will pop out, we'll see.

What I miss: Being able to paint my own toe nails. I can't really reach to do that.

What I am looking forward to: Thursday's OB appointment. They never called me after my glucose test, so I'm hoping the results are good. We'll see....

Milestones: Entering the home stretch-I'm 30 weeks plus a few days! YAY!

How is daddy? I think he's still a little nervous. But he's excited, too. He's just realizing all the things we still need to do, like get the nursery ready. There's a lot of work that needs to be done in there, but we're still waiting for the crib.

How are the grandparents? They are still so excited. I was hoping Hubby's mom could come up for the 3D/4D ultrasound, but that won't work now, since we have to reschedule. I need to get on that and get one scheduled, since we are looking to do it next Monday now. But the grandparents are super excited and overjoyed.

Here's the latest pictures:

The Back Story

2010-05-22T13:35:00.000-04:00

I realize that a lot of you reading this from ICLW don't know my backstory and I'm not going to make you search through all my old posts to find it. So I thought I would post a quick recap on everything TTC and how it is that I became an expectant Mommy. Those of you who know the story, sorry, but I just felt like rather than brag about my pregnancy, I would reminisce about my journey to this day.

Let me start by saying that I have had PCOS issues since high school. I went on the pill when I was 18 because of it and I practically stayed on the pill until I was 27 and ready to TTC. I had a few times where I didn't have insurance coverage and therefore went a few months without the pill. And let's just say that thanks to PCOS, I would have AF and she would stay for a lengthy visit until I could get Provera and start birth control pills again. So when Hubby and I celebrated our 4th wedding anniversary, we thought it was a good time to start trying. We had NO IDEA what we were in for. Now I can be quite naive and stubborn, so I thought we could be normal and just do everything on our own. After all, babies happen every day for women who both deserve them and don't deserve them. So I thought it would be as easy as pie. But after a little over a year, AF started to be a little more erratic, unpredictable. Then, she came and was determined to stay. I didn't feel like it was that bad, I didn't need to see the OBGYN, she would go away on her own. Nope. Wrong! She was so out of control that I thought I would was going to bleed to death. I left work one day and called my Hubby. I told him to get a hold of the doctor and either I needed medication immediately or I was going to the ER. I started Provera that night and that started a new chapter in our TTC journey.

I took the Provera and of course, AF went away. But when I was finished the Provera, AF came again, as expected, and didn't go away again. So I had to go in and see the doctor. I saw a different doctor because it was a roulette, you get whoever was in the office that day. Turns out that Dr. H would become the best thing that happened on the journey. He treated the bleeding issues with Provera again and then asked me to keep track of my BBT for a month. So I did. No ovulation. Just as he suspected all along. Time to start Clomid. He actually asked me why I didn't come in sooner, but I didn't know I was having problems. I did 4 Clomid cycles with him, the first and last of which I didn't ovulate on. So he referred me to Dr. V, an RE. Best referral ever. Really.

I started seeing Dr. V in June 2009. I opted to do more Clomid cycles, thinking it would really work at some point, it just had to. But even with adding IUI for three cycles, it still didn't work for me. I was supposed to start injectables in October, but I had a cyst creatings lots of Estrogen. Not a good situation. I was devastated, benched for the month with birth control pills. Then, they called me to tell me that my bloodwork was worse than they thought. I also had high Follicle Stimulating Hormone, putting my in the category of "Preovarian Failure." Great. Less eggs. Poor quality. Now I'll never get pregnant. I cried and cried. It was a very bad moment on the journey. But I worked through it and had faith that God had my life in the palm of His hand and whatever His will was, it would be done. Hard realization to come to. But I had to do it.

October ended and a new cycle started. I had my bloodwork and ultrasound done on CD 4 and I already had 4 follicles growing, all around 10mm each, seriously. I was shocked. No meds, no nothing, 4 follicles. So I started Menopur, Follistim, and Ganirelix. I was positive this cycle would be a bust, how in the world could it possibly work? I stimmed for only 4 nights, triggered, and had IUI on CD 10. So really, how could it work? Well, I got a positive pregnancy test on Thanksgiving, a day I will never forget.

So fast forward until now, I'm almost 30 weeks pregnant and still in disbelief and shock that I can write all this and tell you that I am expecting a baby girl in August. I just felt like you all should know the story so that if you read my blog and see all my joyous and happy posts, you know where the journey started. It wasn't always happy or joyous, but God provides when the time is right and He knew when I was going to be ready.

Sorry for the long post, but thanks for reading it. Happy ICLW!

28 Weeks 4 Days Update/Quiz

2010-05-16T16:11:00.000-04:00

How far along: 28 weeks 4 days

Symptoms: Heartburn, frequent potty trips, stretch marks, tiredness

Total weight gain: 15 lbs as of my last OB appointment. We'll see how that changes after tomorrow's appointment.

Maternity clothes: I'm loving my dresses. Half of them are not maternity but I can still wear them. My pants and shorts are all maternity. Only half the shirts I wear are maternity. Pretty impressive, since I'm over 6 months pregnant.

Stretch marks: My stretch marks are having babies of their own. They multiply like bunnies. But it's only below my belly button and all in a line. I use my cocoa butter, but those darn stretch marks have no shame.

Sleep: I've been sleeping fairly well most of the night. Although, I am SOOOO hot. I wake up realizing that I must have been sweating. I don't wake up in the middle of the night hot, I just wake up to the realization that I had been sweating.

Best moment this week: Baby Girl doesn't like to kick when anyone's hand is on my belly, not even mine. So I decided that Hubby needed to lay his head on my belly to see what she would do. She kicked him twice...in the head. Love this baby so much!

Movement: Tons. I think she's running a gym out of my womb. She's got some Zumba classes going on, aerobics, soccer practice, and kick boxing. Too bad I can't collect on the membership fees.

Food cravings: Salads, fruit, and cereal (not just any cereal. Multigrain Cheerios!). Yum!

Belly Button in or out: It's still an inny, but it's getting more and more shallow. I think it will eventually just be flat like a pancake.

What I miss: Being able to see my feet when I stand. Don't get me wrong, I have a big chest, so it's always been a little tough to see my feet. But now, I have to hunch over to look at my feet if I need to. Plus, I miss the simplicity of shaving my legs. My belly has it's own zip code now, so it's difficult to shave my legs.

What I am looking forward to: Hopefully passing the glucose screening tomorrow. I'm also looking forward to the hospital tour in a few weeks. Oh, and I scheduled my 3D/4D ultrasound for June 12th.

Milestones: Entering the 3rd Trimester, scheduling the hospital tour, and finally buying a new crib (the crib we had was used before and apparently doesn't meet safety standards).

How is daddy? I think he's a little nervous. But he's excited, too. He's just realizing all the things we still need to do, like get the nursery ready.

How are the grandparents? They are still so excited. I'm hoping Hubby's mom can make it up here for the 3D/4D ultrasound, but I don't know her schedule yet. My mom and his mom are stocking up on baby clothes and just getting ready for Baby Girl!

Here's the latest pictures. These were taken today.

Baby Girl is a Diva!

2010-05-13T21:27:00.000-04:00

Hubby and I have decided that Baby Girl is already a diva. She will not do things on demand. For example, at the 20-week ultrasound two months ago, she covered every part of her anatomy one piece at a time and only at the times when the ultrasound tech was trying to get a picture of it. Picture of her face? She decided to put her fist over her entire face. Picture of her abdomen and organs? She put her arm across her chest. Yep. That's the kind of child she is. So it's gone beyond that. She doesn't kick on demand. If anyone puts their hand on my belly, even if she was kicking, she immediately stops. I can watch my bare belly bulge where she kicks, but she very rarely kicks my hand. So last night, I decided to try a new technique so Hubby could experience some of the joy I feel when she kicks me (except when she kicks me in the bladder). He laid his head on my belly right where she always kicks and sure enough, she didn't like his head being there and kicked him. Not once, either. She kicked him twice. He was in her personal space. So it has been decided that Baby Girl is a diva. Not a Diva-in-Training, but already a full-fledged diva!

Mother's Day

2010-05-09T21:19:00.001-04:00

Today was one of those days I've been dreaming of celebrating for a while now. I had thought it would never come...my first Mother's Day. But alas, with Baby Girl baking in the oven, my first Mother's Day was exciting! I didn't do anything special, really. Hubby and I went to church and then headed to my parents house for lunch and some serious cleaning in their basement. But, to start my first Mother's Day, I was greeted this morning with this:

My first Mother's Day present really makes it all the more special. My dream of being a mom is coming true for me. God really blessed me with a husband who loves me, who understands the journey I went on, and who showed me that with this special necklace. My mom and stepdad found a beautiful card that's written with the baby as the narrator of the card. So special. They gave me a picture frame that says "Baby Girl" with a picture of my last ultrasound in it. It made me chuckle because I got a frame for my mom that said "When a baby is born, so is a Grandmother." And I put the SAME EXACT picture in it. Too funny!

That's all the exciting news on my front. Hubby and I have been doing a LOT of cleaning. We've successfully cleaned off three bookshelves. One of them is being sold, one is moving to another place in the apartment (eventually, to store baby food, sippy cups, etc...), and one has shelf space for Baby Girl's books. So I feel like we're another step closer to having the apartment ready for a baby. Not that it's perfect, but we're getting closer!

While you are reading this, please pray for my friend A. In March, I posted about A. and how her husband was killed in a car accident. She's young, with a two-year old and a baby on the way. This is her first Mother's Day without her husband and it's really only her third Mother's Day. So she needs prayer. I can't imagine the emotions going through her head. She's a wonderful mom, I'm going to be looking to her for a lot of advice. But I know she's emotionally drained and really feeling those emotions this weekend. Prayers are always appreciated, I know that.

Happy Mother's Day to all the Moms, Moms-to-Be, and Future Moms!

26 Weeks 1 Day Quiz/Update

2010-04-29T19:22:00.000-04:00

How far along: 26 weeks 1 day

Symptoms: Nausea (yes, I still have it off and on), heartburn (but I started to take Prilosec OTC and it works wonders), the need to pee frequently, a round belly, the kicking, sleeping like a baby and still needing more sleep, and stretch marks

Total weight gain: 15 lbs as of my OB appointment today. I stand corrected on how I gained before, it was 12 pounds. So I gained 3 this past month.

Maternity clothes: Pants and bermudas are all maternity. Half of my shirts are, but I can still get away with some of my pre-pregnancy clothes. As for my dresses, some of them are maternity, some are not. I LOVE my dresses.

Stretch marks: Ugh...my marks of pregnancy. Yes, I've got them. They are all vertical lines, too, almost like Baby Girl is in a jail cell. One of the marks vaguely looks like a chicken's foot.

Sleep: I've been sleeping like a baby. I haven't needed to pee in the middle of the night, although I know those nights are coming back soon. I sleep like a rock and yet I still feel like I need more sleep.

Best moment this week: Reading Baby Girl her first story. I read her "Guess How Much I Love You" and she kicked a bit when the story was finished, so I think she liked it.

Movement:Lots of dancing around and quite a bit if kicking! Hubby even felt her kick, though she really doesn't like to kick on demand. So if your hand is there, she won't kick.

Food cravings: Salads, fruit, and cereal. Yum!

Belly Button in or out: It's still an inny, but it's getting more and more shallow.

What I miss: My Victoria's Secret bras and underwear. They really need a maternity line. I would totally spend money on their stuff if they had maternity lingerie. It lasts forever. You know, I also miss being able to bend over without effort, especially when trying to paint my toe nails or shave my legs.

What I am looking forward to: Being able to feel the kicks from the outside more often. I have felt a few, and Hubby has felt it once (maybe twice). She stops kicking when a hand touches my belly.

Milestones: Entering the 3rd Trimester

How is daddy? He is wonderful. He prays for Baby Girl and her health every night. He's always snuggling up to my belly and talking to her. So he's super excited.

How are the grandparents? They are still so excited. Hubby's mom is 4 hours away, so we don't see her often. But she's loving all the pictures and getting more and more excited. My parents are going to watch Baby Girl when I go back to work, so they are super excited.

The pictures are both from Sunday at 25 Weeks 4 Days.

Reflections Along the Journey

2010-04-23T18:55:00.000-04:00

I was reflecting yesterday on my drive home. I was thinking about the journey I went on to get to this place of expecting my first child. Hubby and I had a long journey, not always paved with rainbows and sunshine. And I just wanted to share with you all that those feelings don't fade just because you get pregnant. I haven't forgotten the experience of finding a fertility medication that works. I haven't forgotten the day my OBGYN (Dr. H) told me that I would need to see a specialist. Those emotions are not ones that are quickly forgotten. I haven't forgotten how my heart just sank in October when Dr. S called me with the results of my baseline bloodwork, telling me that I had high FSH and therfore was in preovarian failure. I had a cyst. I had to take the cycle off with bcp. Believe me, those emotions don't fade. Those emotions are what increase the joy of knowing where I am now.

In just the same respect, I haven't forgotten the feeling of seeing a positive pregnancy test, the tears that streamed down my face when I realized I was pregnant. I haven't forgotten the feeling of hearing the nurse at the RE's office tell me that I'm going to be a mom. There are no experiences that can take away the memory of the joy that flooded my heart and the tears that streamed down my face. I haven't forgotten the day Hubby and I first saw our Baby and the day we first heard her heartbeat. It doesn't matter how far along I am, those feelings are so fresh in my mind.

As I reflected, I realized that this is the common thread amongst us. We have experienced things that can help us encourage each other. We remember those feelings so we can help someone else along their journey. We can add sunshine and rainbows to someone else's day along their journey. Remember where you have been on your journey and help someone else as they walk along their path. That's our common thread-experience. Happy ICLW.

Busy as a Bee!

2010-04-20T20:24:00.000-04:00

Goodness! Where does the time go? I feel like I've been running and running around. Busy as a bee this spring season. I did my baby registry on Saturday with my friend A. For those of you who have been following my blog, A. is my friend who lost her husband a month ago. She's doing well given the circumstances. She found out that she is having a baby girl in September. So she's excited to give her two year old daughter M. a little sister. Anyway, I went to Babies R Us with her. It was so much fun to have someone who knows everything BABY to help me. We're like two pregnant peas in a pod, too. We went to Fridays for lunch after deciding that neither one of us could decide. And then we couldn't decide on what to share for lunch. Of course, then it was off to Target for more registering. So I'm all registered. I'm so glad to be done that.

Saturday night, the water ice store that I manage (when I'm not pregnant) had a fundraiser for A. and her babies. Her husband, J., was also a manager there. So we had a big event for that evening planned. It was amazing. With all the customers coming to the store, $5200 was added to the trust fund for A. and the kids. That's a great amount in four hours! It was one of those inspiring nights where you realize how people can still rally together to support a family and lift them up in their time of need. A. was definitely touched by everyone's love and generosity.

It's just been non-stop since then. Tonight is the first night I've been able to be home, relaxing, catching up on blogging. I wanted to share a link with you, as another infertility blogger out there, Krissi, featured me on her blogging site, http://stressfreeinfertilityblog.com/. You'll have to check out the little post: http://stressfreeinfertilityblog.com/2010/04/18/meet-heather-2/

Oh, and here are my latest bumptastic pictures (and no, that's not a maternity dress and I love that I can still wear it):

Spring...Allergies...No Relief!

2010-04-15T21:03:00.000-04:00

I was and am still so excited about spring. I love this time of year. The flowers are just beautiful and the blossoms on the trees are wonderful to look at. No complaints from me about that. It's a beautiful time of year and there is much to be enjoyed in the spring. For example, Major League Baseball has started again, which means I can watch my Phillies. But . . .with spring has come the sudden onslaught of allergies. Don't misunderstand it, I KNOW I have allergies. I take Zyrtec. Apparently, it's not really working. But I'd hate to change it because it may work again after Baby Girl is born. It's terrible. I'll take the dog for a walk and feel great. But within a half hour of being back upstairs (I live on a second floor apartment) with the sliding glass door open, my head will start to get stuffy and I get a wee little headache. It's all sinus related. And it's awful. There's nothing I can really do about it. Even if I could take a decongestant, I wouldn't because I have blood pressure issues. Decongestants aren't good for that. So it seems there is no relief in sight until the pollen counts go back down. Things might be better if I could deal with tissues like a normal person. But...I still have a tissue aversion. I don't know if you all remember, but in the first trimester, I developed this aversion to the smell of tissues. So I started buying Vicks tissues. As long as I'm not too stuffy-headed, I can use them without a problem. But if the congestion is bad, I dry heave. Yep. Still. I'm praying for the pollen count to drop soon. Baby Girl is doing just fine, too bad Mommy isn't!

22 Week 5 Day Update/Quiz

2010-04-05T20:57:00.000-04:00

How far along: 22 weeks 5 day

Symptoms: Nausea (yes, I still have it), heartburn (it's getting worse, but I'm taking Zantac twice a day), the need to pee frequently, a round belly, and the kicking....oh the kicking...

Total weight gain: 14 lbs since October, I think it's hanging around 11 since actually getting pregnant. But I include those extra pounds I seem to have gained on the bcp right before getting pregnant.

Maternity clothes: I can still wear some of my non-maternity tops and they still look pretty good. But otherwise, it's pretty much maternity pants, tights, dresses, pantyhose, skirts, and tops. Although, most of my dresses are not maternity dresses and they work pretty well! I'll post my Easter picture. Totally not a maternity dress. In fact, it's a regular Medium dress from Target from a few years back.

Stretch marks: Only on my chest, as it has have definitely grown already. But none on the tummy yet. I'm using TONS of Palmer's Cocoa Butter. I use the organic one specifically for stretch marks on my tummy.

Sleep: I've been sleeping like a baby. Most nights, I don't even change the side I'm sleeping on. I am a left side sleeper. I still have to get up to pee in the middle of the night, but it's been less times than in the first trimester. It's been a nice break from it all, I know those nights are coming back soon.

Best moment last week: Going in for my check up and listening to the baby kick the fetal doppler. Every time Dr. H would try to get her heartbeat, she would kick the doppler. Feisty little girl...

Movement: Lots of dancing around and quite a bit if kicking! So amazing! I felt her kick once, but for whatever reason, she'll kick the laptop, but she won't kick when my hand is there. It's almost like she knows it's me and it calms her down.

Food cravings: Fruit. Yep. So I bought plums today and fruit cups.

Belly Button in or out: In, of course, but it's getting more shallow!

What I miss: My Victoria's Secret bras actually fitting. I know, I know, I posted that last time. But seriously, I miss them! You know what else I miss? Sweet Tea. I've been really good with not having very much caffeine at all, so I've given that up. I miss it tons.

What I am looking forward to: Being able to feel the kicks from the outside more often. I have felt a few, but Hubby hasn't felt it at all. She stops kicking when a hand touches my belly.

Milestones: Feeling the baby kick for the first time.

How is daddy? He is wonderful. He's a little jealous because I've felt her kick a few times and he hasn't felt it at all yet. But I'm sure she'll kick more often when someone's hand is on my belly.

How are the grandparents? They are excited as can be. My mom is slowly stocking up on all things baby. I'm so excited for her to be a grandmom to my baby!

Spring Has Arrived

2010-03-31T19:28:00.000-04:00

I took Angel (my shihtzu) for a walk late this afternoon/early this evening after my appointment with the obstetrician (which went well, by the way). I brought my camera with me, since spring has finally started to appear. It was a nice reminder of God's ultimate plan and His time. With my friend's passing two weeks ago while his wife is expecting, it was a nice reminder that through death comes life. Although J. will not meet his youngest baby, that new life will come despite his death. That goes for so many different things. I mean, with Easter coming, it's a reminder that Jesus's death was the beginning of life. A forest fire brings death to some parts of the tree and then the new life that comes from it is amazing. So after a long winter, after the leaves had all died, seeing the buds on the trees is a great reminder of all of this. Spring is in the air, new life is all around, the long death of winter is no longer here. Here are a few pictures from my walk:

21 Weeks 3 Days Update/Quiz

2010-03-27T18:50:00.000-04:00

I know it's been a little while and I'm overdue for a post of any kind, but with J.'s funeral and picking up some hours at the store until Hubby gets there to run the store, it's been busy. But, without further delay, my latest update:

How far along: 21 weeks 3 day

Symptoms: Nausea (yes, I still have it), heartburn (it's getting worse, but I'm taking Zantac), the need to pee frequently, a round belly

Total weight gain: 10 lbs at last weigh in at the doctor, but my next appointment is Wednesday, so we'll see what it's up to now.

Maternity clothes: I can still wear some of my non-maternity tops and they still look pretty good. But otherwise, it's pretty much maternity pants, tights, dresses, pantyhose, skirts, and tops. Although, most of my dresses are not maternity dresses and they work pretty well!

Stretch marks: Only on my chest, as it has have definitely grown already. But none on the tummy yet. I'm using TONS of Palmer's Cocoa Butter.

Sleep: I sleep like a baby most of the time, until I have to pee. I love my body pillow. I have been sleeping very well other than the potty trips. Thankfully, with the body pillow, I don't find myself lying on my back at all.

Best moment last week: Feeling the the baby dance around to live brass music. It was at J.'s funeral. J. was a music teacher, tuba player, lover of brass. My Hubby is also a music teacher, a trumpet player, and a lover of brass. So he participated in the service in honor and celebration of J. Baby Girl was dancing around and kicking away to the brass music.

Movement: Lots of dancing around and little kicks. So amazing! Still can't feel it from the outside, but that's okay. I'm sure that's coming soon.

Food cravings: Oddly, none really. My sweet tooth had briefly returned, but now it's gone again. I don't really have any cravings. Weird, huh? Although, Hubby makes me jealous when he's drinking his Pepsi, since I've pretty much sworn off most caffeine. So I bought myself some no Caffeine Pepsi. YAY!

Belly Button in or out: In, of course!

What I miss: My Victoria's Secret bras actually fitting. Yep. Today, I had to buy a maternity bra. Let's just say that it's not little. I had to get a waist size bigger than I wanted because they didn't have a 36. So I got a 38.....G, that's right, G!!! Yikes!

What I am looking forward to: Being able to feel the kicks from the outside.

Milestones: Finding out that baby is a girl last Thursday (the 18th).

How is daddy? He is wonderful. Since we're almost sure we're calling her Isabella with the nickname of Izzy, he's calling her Izzy Gillespie after Dizzy Gillespie. It's so cute.

How are the grandparents? They are excited as can be. My mom has already started buying lots of little girl clothes.

What If It Happened to You?

2010-03-21T18:31:00.000-04:00

For all you new readers, usually I would post about my pregnancy (or before that happened, my fertility journey). But instead, I'm going to take a detour and ask you to lay prays on one of my dear friends. Thursday night, Hubby and I received a phone call that our friend J. had been in a car accident. His wife, A. was the one who called. She was very upset but didn't know anything at that point. As the night progressed into the wee hours of the morning, Hubby and A. exchanged several texts and phone calls. Around 2am Friday morning, A.'s mom called with the news. J. had died on impact in the car accident. I was devastated.

J. was an amazing man of God. Young, not even 30 yet. Gifted. Had a heart for reaching children for the Lord. Loved to teach music to his students. A. is now left as a single mother. Her baby girl, M., is turning two in less than a month. She has another baby due in September. Her grief is unmeasurable. I know this is a sad and very depressing post, but it has been weighing on my mind a lot. It's a horrific tragedy for those of us on Earth. J. is in Heaven and he is rejoicing with our Savior. But A. is so grief-stricken.

Please pray for A. as she is now working through her grief. She's trying to tell a two-year old that Daddy is not coming home. She has so many emotions to work through, thoughts that creep in, bitterness towards the other driver (and she asked for prayers for that, as she doesn't want to be bitter at all, but rather forgiving).

I just keep imagining that it was me. What if that was my Hubby? What would I do? It's so unimaginable. What if it was you? What if this same situation happened to you? Hard to imagine, right? We just need to remember to appreciate those we love. Spend time with them as much as we can. Tell them we love them as often as possible. Hug them every chance we get. You just never know when God will call someone home.

Just pray for the family as they work through this difficult situation. Nothing can prepare you to lose someone so close, so young, and in such a sudden and tragic way. They have a long road ahead of them and prayer is the only sure thing to help get them through it.

Sorry for the depressing post, but it's been on my mind and I just needed to share my thoughts.

Baby Girl

2010-03-18T17:56:00.000-04:00

I had my big 20-week anatomy scan today. The baby is looking good. SHE (yes, it's a GIRL!) is measuring 2 days behind, but that is good. Baby is perfect. I haven't put the pictures on the computer yet, but I will. Baby is just perfect. She wasn't the most cooperative thing there could ever be. She had her legs crossed for quite a while. She decided to put her arm over her face with her hand in a fist. I think she was annoyed with all the jiggling. The ultrasound tech (awesome lady) had to keep jiggling Baby Girl around because she wasn't cooperating. She covered her whole abdomen at one point by crossing her arms. But everything is just perfect.

I had my ultrasound done at a Maternal Fetal Medicine doctor. He has decided to keep me on as a patient due to my hypertension. I have no complaints, he's a very nice doctor. So I'm going back in 8 weeks to see him and he wants to monitor the growth of the baby, since smaller babies can be related to hypertension, even if it is medicated. so, just add another doctor to my list of doctors. I see my obstetrician on March 31st. I don't see Dr. F (the MFM Doc) until May. And then, he wants to start monitoring me every few weeks. I guess I'm going to have a lot of days where I'm leaving work without being able to do my hall duty. I get to work early enough in the day to make up for that time, so I'm not worried about that.

That's about it for me now. I haven't posted pictures yet, since I have to take pictures of the pictures, as my main computer died, so I can't scan the pictures to a computer. I'll post them soon!

Baby Furniture

2010-03-14T15:23:00.000-04:00

Yesterday was a SUPER busy day. My Mother-in-Law and Sister-in-Law drove up (in the torrential rain) to deliver the baby furniture. The original plan was to store it in my parent's basement for now, since we really weren't ready for it here. We're still working on cleaning the baby's room. But somehow, there was a miscommunication and the furniture is here. So my MIL and SIL helped clear out the furniture that was in the way and loaded it into their van (since we were getting rid of those pieces anyway). As frustrated as I was about the miscommunication, I was so glad and thankful for their unceasing help. They stayed all afternoon and helped rearrange the living room to open up the space and of course, the baby furniture is here. The crib is not yet assembled because there really isn't room for it yet, we're still working on the future nursery.

So it was a really busy day. After all the furniture was rearranged and some of it was out in my MIL's van, we drove our giant computer stand to my aunt's house and assembled it there for her. With all the rain, there was flooding issues, so we had to be careful. It wasn't necessarily the best day to do all the furniture moving, but it's done. I am so thankful for the extra help, since when it comes to moving furniture, I feel useless these days.

Now...if I only had the motivation to work on cleaning some more...

18 Weeks 1 Day Update/Quiz

2010-03-04T17:03:00.000-05:00

Okay, so it's been 3 weeks since I did one of these, so I thought it was time. Everything keeps on changing! I'll post my latest belly pic (from 17 weeks 4 days) at the bottom of the quiz. Enjoy!

How far along: 18 weeks 1 day

Symptoms: Nausea (though not nearly as bad, still usually only at night or when I have to blow my nose...tissues have a smell and I just can't stand it), constipation is back, my belly has sort of "popped," the heartburn is becoming very constant, and I have to pee a bunch of times in the night.

Total weight gain: 7lbs at last weigh in at the doctor, but my next appointment is tomorrow, so we'll see what it's up to now.

Maternity clothes: I can still wear some of my non-maternity tops and they look pretty good. But otherwise, it's pretty much maternity pants, tights, dresses, pantyhose, skirts, and tops.

Stretch marks: Only on my chest, as it has have definitely grown already. But none on the tummy yet. I'm using TONS of Palmer's Cocoa Butter.

Sleep: I sleep like a baby most of the time, until I have to pee. I love my body pillow. I have been sleeping very well other than the potty trips. Thankfully, with the body pillow, I don't find myself lying on my back at all.

Best moment last week: Feeling the flutters and realizing that it's more than flutters. Today, I swear I felt a kick.

Movement: I still feel the flutters, but now, I also feel a lot more movement. Today, like I posted above, I think I felt a kick. So amazing!

Food cravings: Oddly, none really. My sweet tooth had briefly returned, but now it's gone again. I don't really have any cravings. Weird, huh?

Belly Button in or out: In, of course!

What I miss: Of course, the foods I shouldn't eat like lunch meat and hot dogs, but I also miss really dancing. I went country line dancing last night and realized that I can't really get into as much as I used to because my whole center of gravity is different!

What I am looking forward to: My appointment with Dr. H tomorrow and scheduling the anatomy scan.

Milestones: Feeling the first kick!

How is daddy? He is wonderful. We've started cleaning out the second bedroom. He's so super helpful.

How are the grandparents? They are excited as can be.

Now, for the most recent picture...

Flutters Have Turned Into Movements

2010-02-26T11:28:00.000-05:00

I feel like a caged bird, as it's snowing still and I haven't been outside since Wednesday night. It's another snow day, all local schools are closed for the day. But that's okay. I'm dealing with it. Actually, Hubby and I are going to try to venture out for lunch today. I just need to get out for a little bit. And since our little princess of a dog won't do her big business outside, we have to get out for a while, leaving her at home alone. Then, she will do her business on her potty pad. Such a diva, I tell you!

So anyway, I've had flutters for a few weeks now. But, yesterday, I started to feel more movement. I didn't really feel it too much during the day, it was more at night. But it was so exciting! I can't wait to feel the kicking and punching. I'm sure I'll notice it after it already begins, since this is my first baby and I don't know what to expect or what I'm supposed to be feeling. But I know the movements are definitely that. It's the strangest feeling in the world, yet it's the most amazing feeling ever. I wouldn't trade it in for anything!

The Nausea Bug

2010-02-25T11:06:00.001-05:00

Well, you would think that by the end of the 17th week of pregnancy, the nausea would be quieter than before. Well it hasn't worked out that way for me. Yesterday, I spent the day teaching and feeling very nauseous. I ate half my lunch before it soured in my stomach and I had throw the rest of it out. I ate half my yogurt and the same thing happened. I had my Sea.Bands on all day yesterday. The nausea was tolerable but not at all likable.

I decided that I would call out sick today. My school district has early dismissal because of the incoming snow storm (yes, Nor'Easter #4 of the 2009-2010 winter, which makes it #3 for 2010 is on the way). Well, I'm glad I did, since the nausea has started again. It's not super bad yet and hopefully, it won't be. But it's certainly not fun, not exciting, and not at all wanted. But it's here nonetheless.

Now, I'm just trying to decide if I think it's a boy or a girl. Only a few more weeks until I can find out!

The Things That Make My Day

2010-02-21T12:58:00.004-05:00

Last week, I was nominated for a blogging award by Catrisha from Baby Dreams and I didn't want to to go ignored. It's just been so busy over this way. Hubby's students finally performed Aladdin for two nights. It was originally supposed to be four nights, but the original nights got snowed out, so we had the musical on Thursday and Friday. I've been involved with it and it's very time consuming. So blogging has sort of taken the back seat. But, the musical is over, my feet are up, I'm relaxing, and therefore, catching up in the blogging realm.

My pregnancy is still going well. It seems that I'm showing a lot earlier than I thought I would. But I haven't had the sickness that most women seem to get, so I'm not complaining. At my last doctor's appointment, I had only gained 7 pounds since the month before getting pregnant. It's all pretty much in my belly and I don't eat much more than I used to. I'm showing very high, too. Weird, but I'm hoping the old wives tales about carrying high being a girl hold true. But I have such a "boy" feeling. Only a few more weeks until I can find out!

Anyway, back to the blogging award. My blog was awarded as one that makes someone's day.

The rules are: I have to list 10 Things That Make My Day and then list 10 Blogs worthy of this award as well, and then you'll have the award and they'll have the award too. Don't forget you'll have to do the same... list 10 Things and 10 Blogs to earn the award (then of course copy the pic of the award to your computer and paste/upload the award pic to your own blog post saying that you received this award with your 10 and 10). It's less confusing that it sounds, so I'm going to list 10 things that make my day.

1. Coming home from work to a dog who just loves to greet me. It's nice to be missed, to be loved, to have something or someone look forward to my return from wherever I am.

2. Hugs and kisses from Hubby. Nothing beats a warm embrace and the soft kisses on my cheek that tell me I'm loved and I'm special.

3. An email or Facebook comment from a good friend. It's always nice to have friends involved in life, even when distance separates you.

4. A good cup of coffee. Of course, my coffee is a specific concoction of a quarter caffeinated coffee and three-quarters decaf. But it makes my day to enjoy my one little cup of coffee with creamer and splenda.

5. Gentle reminders of God's unconditional love for me. I'm the farthest thing from perfect and those reminders give me warm fuzzies.

6. Talking to my mom on the phone. It's a daily ritual. I call my mom every day on the way to work and talking to her just makes my day.

7. Beautiful words from friends. Nothing can make someone's day more than kind words no matter what the situation is.

8. A great song on the radio. I listen a lot of K-Love and I just love when certain songs come on that I can just sing to and completely understand, like "Perfect People." If you don't know that song, look it up. It's fantastic.

9. Being told by little kids that I am the most beautiful woman besides their mom. To be ranked anywhere near the mother of a little kid is just an amazing thing.

10. Watching a funny commercial on TV. You know the kind, the kind that makes you laugh to the point where you are almost in tears. There aren't many out there, but there are a few!

Okay, now for the 10 bloggers and blogs that make my day because I love to read them and catch up on their lives:

1. Meggo from Unconceivable (Conceived!)

2. Olivia from Misadventures in Baby Making

3. All You Who Hope

4. Journey Girl from Donor Eggs Journey

5. Priscilla from It only takes one time...Not!

6. The Mrs. from In God's Hands

7. Sabine from A Land Far Away

8. The Misfit from IF

9. Chirleen from Confessions of a TC-A-Holic

10. Miracle in the Making from TTC Baby Blog

Annoyed with the Internet

2010-02-15T17:50:00.000-05:00

Well, my evening is just dandy. It seems that I cannot get in to SC at all, sorry girls. Google won't let me log in, as they have blocked the site as reported "Attack Site." Yep. I'm not thrilled about this at all, but what am I going to do about it, you know? Sorry that I can't keep up with you all on there. Maybe tomorrow, I'll be able to log in there again. Even if I click the "Ignore Warning" link, I still can't log in. It's ridiculous.

There's really nothing new going on here. I just needed to vent, since I'm super annoyed about it.

Belly Pictures

2010-02-12T09:42:00.001-05:00

Hi, girls (and any guys that are reading my blog), it's about time I put together a compilation of the belly pics I've been taking. So I'm going to post all the pictures up through yesterday's newest one. Enjoy!!

December 25, 2009

Week 15 Day 1 Update/Quiz

2010-02-11T17:53:00.001-05:00

Hi, all!! Valentine's Day is approaching and I thought I would update you all on how my Love Bug is doing these days. But first, I wanted to thank Journey Girl for another Beautiful Blogger Award. I awarded this to some of you a few posts ago, but I wanted to thank her for it. :-)

Now, for the update quiz...

How far along: 15 weeks 1 day

Symptoms: Nausea (usually only at night or when I have to blow my nose...tissues have a smell and I just can't stand it), my energy has returned for the next few months, bloated still, a bit gassy at times, a growing belly. I'll post a picture in another post.

Total weight gain: 7lbs at last weigh in at the doctor, I guess that's not too bad. Of course, they weighed me before they let me use the bathroom and I had just finished another 22 ounce bottle of water...

Maternity clothes: Mostly tops. I do have three pairs of pants. I wear most of my old pants still, though, with a hair tie around the button and with the Be.Band. It's not the most comfortable, but it works to keep me from buying more maternity pants yet. I did get my first pair of maternity pantyhose today. I'm excited about that! I love to wear dresses.

Stretch marks: Only on my chest, as it has they have definitely grown already. But none on the tummy yet. I'm using tons of Palmer's Cocoa Butter.

Sleep: I sleep like a baby most of the time, until I have to pee. I find myself doing that once or twice in the middle of the night. It's sort of gotten better in the past week. They say it does during the second trimester. I'm hoping it stays that way for at least a month or two. But lately, I've also had to sleep with a pillow next to me to "snuggle" with. Otherwise, I end up sleeping on my back and I've NEVER been a back sleeper. So today, I got a body pillow.

Best moment last week: Having my checkup with Dr. H on the 5th and hearing Little Bean's heartbeat. It was 162bpm.

Movement: The fluttering has started. It's the strangest thing...I describe it as bubbles mixed with the feeling that I swallowed a butterfly and its wings are tickling me from the inside.

Food cravings: Oddly, none really. My sweet tooth has returned. But when I do want somethng, I want something sour and sweet. But otherwise, I've got no specific cravings these days. I'm sure that will change soon.

Belly Button in or out: In, of course!

What I miss: Lunch meat, hot dogs, sausage and peppers...

What I am looking forward to: My next appointment with Dr. H on March 5th, when we schedule the gender scan!!

Milestones: Telling my students at school that I am having a baby, that I'm not just getting "fat."

How is daddy? He is wonderful. We've had so much snow this winter. He won't let me go out and shovel. He's so good to me. And when we do venture out with the snow on the ground, he walks arm in arm with me to make sure my precious cargo is safe.

How are the grandparents? They are excited as can be.

Snowed In...Again.

2010-02-10T20:00:00.000-05:00

We were greeted yesterday with the beginnings of Nor'Easter Number 3 for New Jersey last night. So I spent today snowed in. Seems like I just did this on Saturday...oh wait, I did! This weather is unbelievable. For lack of something better to blame (I don't want to blame it on El Nino), I'm blaming this on Little Bean. We haven't had a winter this bad in the region in...I don't know...EVER! So of course, it would be the year I was pregnant that it would snow this much.

So what did I do while being snowed in? I made vegetable soup this morning in the crock pot for lunch and dinner. It's the perfect weather for soup, you know? The soup was very yummy and super cheap and easy. Good meal on a snowy, wintry, cold day.

Oh, did I mention this storm was a blizzard? Yep, a blizzard. I looked out so many times and the snow was blowing sideways. It's just crazy! All this snow...school canceled today and canceled again tomorrow. You know what that means? That's right...I'm going to be waddling into school at the end of June at nearly 8 months pregnant just to make up these snow days. Not that I mind the days off, Hubby and I got a lot done today.

We decided that to accommodate Little Bean, we need to rearrange the living room furniture. So we started the long process of cleaning our clutter and tossing the junk. Hubby did a lot more than me, but that's because there's only so much I can do. But I have this big plan on the new layout, we just need to get more cluttered cleared out first. Once the living room is done, we can work on the nursery. We need to declutter and get rid of all the furniture in there. So having an extra day off tomorrow means we can get more cleaning done.

Oh, and it's 8:00 and it's still snowing outside...story of my pregnancy so far...

Snowed In

2010-02-06T13:44:00.000-05:00

It appears that South Jersey is again swamped with massive amounts of snow. This is the second major snow storm since finding out I was pregnant. Not to mention all the smaller snows we had...I guess Little Bean is a snow baby! With this storm, we're looking at 2 feet of snow again. And then, it's supposed to snow again on Tuesday night into Wednesday. Thank goodness we're not looking at another 2 feet then, just 3/4 of a foot. This is so unlike NJ to have this much snow in one season. I do think I may go outside in a bit and take some pictures. Not to worry, though, DH will walk with me and make sure my precious cargo stays safe. He always protects Little Bean.

I had my check up with Dr. H yesterday. Everything seems good. Little Bean's heartbeat was 160bpm. He found it right away with the doppler. It was a strange appointment as it is the only one I've ever had at an OBGYN where I didn't undress and my feet were not in stirrups. It was a nice change! All my bloodwork came back good, which I knew it would. They haven't mentioned the glucose test yet, so I guess that'll come when it needs to. I never had issues with my glucose levels before, but being pregnant can change everything! On another positive note, my blood pressure was great. Since I struggle with high blood pressure (for unexplained reasons other than PCOS), it's something I watch closely. It was starting to become more elevated during the first trimester but Dr. H didn't want to increase my medication. Good thing, since my last two appointments have shown excellent readings.

That's about it for me. Oh, I wanted to post two pictures of my growing belly. One is a full length shot and the other is a close up on my little bump. Enjoy!

My First Blogging Award

2010-02-03T20:24:00.001-05:00

Thanks, Sabine@A Land Far Away for my first blogging award! It's so strange to think that my blog actually deserves an award from someone else. I always see other blogs with awards but never thought my blog would be one to receive one. So thank you TONS! It means a lot!

7 (interesting) facts about me:

I am a quilter. I absolutely love to make quilts of all sizes for various for other people.
I love to wear flowers in my hair. Before our TTC, I wore them in my hair every day. But when we started to TTC, I decided not to wear them again until I was ready to announce that we were pregnant. So it's nice to have flowers in my hair again these days.
If I could afford Lasik surgery, I would totally get it. My eye-sight is terrible!
I may be quite sociable on my blogging comments and online, but I have some degree of stage fright. I can deal with kids and speaking to large groups of kids. Goes with being a teacher. But ask me to speak in front of adults and my palms get all sweaty and I turn red.
I love to wear dresses and skirts. Pants are nice, don't get me wrong. But I love looking all girly.
I'm a Mommy's girl. Yep, I'm 30 and still a Mommy's girl. Not much beats spending time with my mom.
Baby is due 2 days after my 7-year anniversary with Hubby. Guess that makes the 7-year itch thing a whole lot different!

And I nominate:
1. Heather@ It's Just Me.=)

2.The Mrs.@In God's Hands

3. Meggo@ INCONCEIVEABLE

4. Olivia@Misadventures in Baby Making

5.Angie@Victory's Within The Mile

6.Miracle in the Making@TTC Baby Blog

7. Another Dreamer@ An Unwanted Path

So here's what you need to do:

Thank the person who nominated you and copy the award in your blog
Link the person who nominated you for this award
Share seven interesting things about yourself
Nominate seven fellow bloggers and add the links to their blogs

13 Week 4 Day Quiz/Update

2010-01-31T19:28:00.002-05:00

Hi, everyone! As everything is progressing along nicely, I wanted to do another Quiz/Update. I think they're fun!

How far along: 13 weeks 4 days

Symptoms: Nausea (only at night, usually after dinner and not too much of it), my energy has returned for the next few months, bloated still, a bit gassy at times, a growing belly

Total weight gain: 6lbs at last weigh in at the doctor, I guess that's not too bad. But I see the OB again Friday, so we'll see if I gained more.

Maternity clothes: Mostly tops. I do have three pairs of pants. I need to hem two of them because they are way too long. I am learning to make friends with the Be.Band. It's not the most comfortable, but it works to keep me from hemming those maternity pants yet. I'm procrastinating, but another week or so and I won't have a choice.

Best moment last week: Entering the second trimester! Woo Hoo!!

Movement: The fluttering has started. It's the strangest thing...sort of like gas but not quite the same.

Food cravings: Oddly, none really. My sweet tooth has returned, though not in full force. Just every now and again, I want something sour and sweet. But otherwise, I've got no specific cravings these days. I'm sure that will change soon.

Belly Button in or out: In, of course!

What I miss: Lunch meat, hot dogs, sausage and peppers...

What I am looking forward to: My next appointment with Dr. H on Friday

Milestones: Having my first abdominal u/s done last week (to check on the baby after the weekend spotting scare) and seeing Little Bean wave at me.

How is daddy? He is wonderful. He's dealing with the pregnancy hormones. He's got the pseudo symptoms, too. So it's super cute. I couldn't ask for a more wonderful husband/father of our child-to-be. He rubs my belly and talks to Little Bean. It's cute.

How are the grandparents? They are excited as can be.

Surprise Ultrasound

2010-01-25T13:11:00.000-05:00

I had some scary moments yesterday when I realized that I was spotting some brown "stuff." Scary doesn't even describe how I felt at that moment. My heart sank and all these thoughts started running through my head. I called the doctor's office and talked to the emergency hotline receptionist. She took my name and number and had the doctor on call return my call. He wasn't too concerned about my situation, since I didn't have any cramps. He had recommended that I just take it easy and for my own peace of mind, get in to see the doctor today. So I did!

I called their office this morning and got in to see Dr. Z. This was my first time meeting Dr. Z. He said everything looked fine with my cervix, no tears, bumps, or anything like that. I have a small yeast infection, though. So he said between than and the placenta taking over, brown spotting is quite normal. Whew, good news!

So I had an ultrasound done to check on Little Bean (LB). It was an abdominal one, since I'm far enough along to not need the wand. Yay! So Little Bean is great. She/He is very active. LB waved at me with a perfect hand with five perfect fingers on it. Dr. Z really explained everything that I could see. He knew I just wanted to know that everything was okay. So we looked at the spine, at the head, you could see the stomach. It was really a relief to know that everything was good.

Just pray, though, that this pregnancy continues with good health and no more scary moments.

12 Weeks 1 Day Quiz/Update

2010-01-21T19:50:00.000-05:00

Hi, to everyone here from ICLW! I thought it would be a good idea for those of you reading my blog for the very first time (or the first time in a few weeks) to let you all know what I've been up to. If you haven't guess, I'm pregnant. I am so thankful for that, as it took a long time without and with fertility meds. Thank you for stopping by my blog!

How far along: 12 weeks 1 days

Symptoms: Nausea (only at night, usually after dinner), some tiredness but the extreme exhaustion has finally passed, bloated still, a bit gassy at times, a growing belly

Total weight gain: 5lbs at last weigh in at the doctor, I guess that's not too bad

Maternity clothes: Mostly tops. I do have one pair of pants. I am learning to make friends with the Be.Band. It's not the most comfortable, but it works to keep me from buying maternity pants yet. I'm procrastinating, but a few more weeks and I'll need maternity pants.

Best moment last week: Realizing that the second trimester is just around the corner!

Movement: The fluttering has started. It's the strangest thing...sort of like gas but not quite the same.

Food cravings: Taco.Bell (mainly the taco salad), cheesesteak, hamburgers, salty things. No more red sauce cravings, lasagna and I are not friends right now.

Belly Button in or out: In, of course!

What I miss: Evenings without nausea

What I am looking forward to: My next appointment with Dr. H in two weeks

Milestones: Seeing hands and feet for the first time on an ultrasound.

How is daddy? He is wonderful. He's dealing with the pregnancy hormones. He's also dealing with the weird fact that people (including myself) blowing their noses makes me nauseous. I couldn't ask for a more wonderful husband/father of our child-to-be. He rubs my belly and talks to Little Bean. It's cute.

How are the grandparents? They are excited as can be.

Pregnant and Sick=A Yucky Pair

2010-01-16T11:22:00.000-05:00

So for the past week, I have had a head cold. Nothing is worse than being sick, right? Try being sick and being pregnant. There is nothing you can take to really help. All decongestants are off limits. Any headache relief that would really help is off limits. It's all Ty.lenol, Bena.dryl, and saline nasal spray. (I know about the recall, but I am not home to check the lot numbers), My Klee.nex tissues with the lotion in them have been my best buddies for a week. My nose is all raw and chapped. It's really not ideal. But I think it's finally clearing out of my system.

It's really done a number on me, too. My energy has been almost completely depleted. I'm getting it back slowly, which is nice. I'm more peppy today than I have been all week. I'm hoping that continues. I was observed by my principal at school this week and she decided she would rather come in on a day when I'm not under the weather. So we're aiming for this Wednesday. Come on, energy, I need you back!

I'm trying to relax all weekend, since I have a three day weekend. Maybe then, I can officially kick this cold out of my system. I'll post my quiz/update for Week 11 sometime this weekend.